Tag Archive | sex

Sex Mistakes Women Make: The Beginning

A while back I wrote a couple of pieces on the mistakes that men make during sex with women. Now I want to cover mistakes that women make when fucking men. What? Women make mistakes? That’s crazy talk right? I mean what could we possibly do wrong? Plenty. I’m only going to cover three of the biggiest.

Mistake #1 – Initiating sex

You don’t do it. You simply don’t initiate any action at all. You wait until he wants it and if he doesn’t want it when you do – you get upset. Unless you’re dating a psychic, he’s not a fucking mind reader. You need to be a less passive partner. Men like to know they are desired by you as much as you like knowing you’re wanted by them. Despite the bravado, which is often a front – men can be a bit insecure as well. Let them know you want to fuck their brains out and it will make sex hotter for both of you.

Now you’re thinking…great how do I do that?

Use your words, your eyes, your body and leave the mind reading for the shysters.  Tell your man you want him in his hear or text him while he’s in the room with you, show him by talking dirty and caressing him thru his pants. I send dirty stories starring me to my man to get him heated up while he’s working. Then I’d text him naked pics of myself so he’d be hot and ready to go by the time he got home from work. Plenty of times “Hi honey, I’m home” didn’t get said until after he blew a load. sexting-3_0.png

Whatever it is – the key is to DO SOMETHING. If you are at home you can show him by avoiding Mistake #2.

Mistake #2 – Hiding Your Body

Men are visual – much more than women. So the thing that you should absolutely be doing is GETTING NAKED in front of your man. Stop focusing on all your flaws real or imagined  and try really hard to remember one very important thing. The man you are hiding your body from wants to fuck your brains out. That means he’s hot for you and your body. Nothing will get a man harder than actually seeing what you are covering up. So seriously…stop doing that!!! Show him the goods. Flaunt your body. Undress slowly. You can initiate sex by simply disrobing in front of him while staring into his eyes and smiling. Fuck him with the lights on and stop telling him all the reasons you are not hot. It’s a turn off. Shut your mouth, peel off your clothes, walk over to him and kiss him. He’ll take it from there.

Mistake #3 – Experimentation Vapors

You’ve been together for a while and your honey says to you – let’s try something new. You are not under any obligation to say yes, especially if what he’s suggesting turns you off. But you don’t need to freak out and start a fight over it either. Also, suggesting something new isn’t an insult to you, so don’t take it that way. It’s actually a compliment. It means that he feels comfortable enough with you and your relationship, that he’s willing to open up about other things that turn him on. Again, you are under no obligation to try it but you definitely should consider it unless it sounds super painful or the idea completely turns you off.  Relationships are a two-way street – and if you want him to do for you, you should be willing to do for him too.

The most important thing to remember is not to make him feel bad about opening up to you.  If you do, he’ll stop opening up and your relationship will eventually fizzle.

So there you have it some of the biggest mistakes women make with men in the bedroom.

Arousal for women begins in the brain but for men it begins with the eyes… they are more visual than women. It doesn’t make them less than us, it makes them different. So our approach to satisfying a man has to be different than their approach to satisfying us.

Hopefully you all understand how to start the process and now understand that for men, sex does not start in the bedroom, it starts wherever you  initiate it. A man will fuck you up against a brick wall if you let him….so tell him that you want him to do just that !

 

The Dating Pool In Your 30’s and Beyond

We’ve all seen the memes. The girls have one for the guys and the guys have one for the girls. Just in case you haven’t seen them, take a look:

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And this one…
30's guys

I’m going to be brutally honest when I tell you that IF the dating pool hasn’t changed for you, then the pool isn’t the problem.

You are.

Terminally single people in their 30s and beyond have a problem, actually many problems, but the biggest problem is that they keep picking the same person over and over again hoping and/or expecting this one will be different. It’s not. If you burn your hand on something hot, you learn very quickly not to touch hot things. This is not the case, however, when it comes to dating. Here’s how it looks when you are a terminally single person: You choose wrong, you burn yourself, you choose wrong, you burn yourself, you choose wrong, you burn yourself, you choose wrong, you burn yourself, you choose wrong, you burn yourself and YOU LEARN NOTHING.

The dating pool isn’t a pool of shit, YOUR dating pool is a pool of shit because you’re standing in the same fucking pool you’ve been in since your 20’s. Nothing has changed because YOU haven’t changed and despite what you think — you haven’t grown. You can’t grow if you don’t learn from your mistakes and more importantly, you can’t learn from your mistakes if you don’t think you’ve made any.

Self-reflection or self-examination is a crucial skill to learn and employ. Self-examination means scrutiny of one’s own conduct, motives, desires, etc. If you can’t honestly assess yourself, you will NEVER grow as a person and if you don’t grow – you will keep dating in loserville.

You may now be wondering, what the fuck do I do? The first thing you should do is understand that every relationship is two people…unless you are poly-amorous. When two people are in a relationship then two people are to blame when shit goes wrong – just the same as two people are to be commended when things go right. So, when your relationship ended – it ended because you both fucked up. I know you know how THEY fucked up…but how did you contribute? Because you did. You absolutely fucked up too. Maybe you’re one of those people who thinks that jealousy = love, so you said or did things to make your partner jealous. Maybe you’re a bad listener, insecure, intolerant, hyper-critical, unrealistic, unforgiving or even a complete bitch. Take a look at all of your relationships – do you see any patterns in your behavior? The pattern you find is the very thing that is keeping you in the dating shit-pool.

Work on yourself and be more open to the possibilities – who knows you may find out that the dating pool in your 30s and beyond is really…

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Dealing With Distance in Relationships

There are many types of distances you can have in a relationship emotional, physical, philosophical, and etc.

I’m going to talk about physical distance and how to shorten it. There are a few reasons why you and your mate have a distance between you: you live in different states, went on a vacation, business trip, you attend different colleges/universities and so on. Whatever the reason, there are many things you can do to keep the relationship alive and thriving.

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First, set clear boundaries of what is and is not acceptable to you. Second, be completely honest with each other. Third, keep things smoking hot & sexy and last but not least… communication.

Communication!!!!!!

The key to maintaining a good relationship is open, honest, and healthy communication. Once that is in place, you are in a good starting position for maintaining your relationship when dealing with a separation. If you want to learn how to better communicate with your mate (and who doesn’t?) read this article: 9 Steps to Better Communication Today

From the linked article….

The most popular myth about communication in relationships is that since you talk to your partner, you’re automatically communicating. While talking to your partner is indeed a form of communication, if it’s primarily about everyday, “surfacey” topics (“How were the kids?” “How was work?” “How’s your mother?”), you’re not really communicating about the important stuff. This article is primarily about how to talk in a more open and rewarding manner with your significant other.

Communication either makes or breaks most relationships. You can improve your relationship today, right now, by putting into practice some of these tips for improving the communication in your relationship.

If you want to learn more, click that link and learn steps on honing that skill. I will give you some tips on how to hone another skill.

Keeping your relationship smokin’ hot is just as important as good communication. So, what can you do when you two are apart for extended periods of time?

Pull out all the stops and start with these:

Phone Sex – whether or not you engage in actual masturbation is up to you but why fake it when the real thing is so much sexier to listen to…

Sexy chats on skype or other IM tools just a variation on phone sex but this is something you can do pretty much anywhere. Though the blushes could give you away if you’re in public. 😉

Send erotic pictures…that requires no explanation

Write erotic stories with you and your mate as the lead characters. I like this one because it allows you to be more risky and creative than you might be in real life. We all have hidden fantasies and this is a good way to let those slip out.

Whatever you chose to do, do NOT let a day go by, without letting them know why, that you are not communicating!!! Lack of communication breeds insecurity and insecurity is a relationship death blow. Make sure they know that you want them, that you are thinking of them always and that they are in your blood. They will do the same and your relationship will get stronger despite any time spent apart.

Now get your ass out there and be sexy!

Talk to you later, lovers. 😉

Sex Mistakes Men Make: The End

sex-education_2433736bSex usually ends with an orgasm or it should. So, what mistake do men make in the area of orgasm? For most men the big mistake here is that they expect intercourse to give her an orgasm and if it doesn’t – they assume that something is wrong with her – either physically or emotionally.

Here are the facts, only 25% of women are consistently orgasmic during vaginal intercourse. Did everyone read that? ONLY 25%, why is this important? The answer is from the linked article:

* It’s perfectly normal for women not to have orgasms during intercourse. Most women need direct clitoral stimulation to experience orgasm. They don’t get it during intercourse because the clitoris is located outside the vagina and a few inches above it under the top junction of the vaginal lips. Intercourse simply does not provide enough direct clitoral stimulation to allow most women to become aroused enough to have orgasms. “Intercourse is okay,” says New York City sex educator Betty Dodson, Ph.D. “But I much prefer a talented tongue on my clitoris.”

* Penis size doesn’t matter to most women’s sexual satisfaction. If only 25 percent of women are consistently orgasmic during intercourse, then for most women, penis size doesn’t matter. The fact is, any size penis can provide great pleasure to the man it’s attached to. But they key to most women’s erotic pleasure comes not from the penis and intercourse, but from direct clitoral stimulation, using the fingers, palm, tongue, or sex toys.

What we just learned is that about 75% of women need clitoral stimulation to achieve an orgasm consistently and this begs a big question:

Why don’t all men just include clitoral stimulation in their repertoire?

And this is where the mistake I mentioned comes into play.

Many men just think that there is something wrong with a woman who can’t cum from his amazing cock. It’s an ego thing and because of that – they don’t feel that they should put in the extra effort. Some men are fooled by the excellent acting skills of their lover as she fakes a Meg Ryan style orgasm, as long as she’s wet they are a believer!!!

Take your time, extend foreplay, get her to orgasm or near orgasm before you enter and you will exponentially increase the odds that she will cum once you are inside her. A great way to do it is to take her from behind and while you are happily thrusting away, reach around and play with her clitoris. Another no-brainer is to eat that pussy and eat it well. The key here is to make sure you don’t enter to soon.

Here’s the bottom line, you don’t ONLY have to eat her out to make her cum, if that’s your fear. Some men just don’t like to do it and some don’t like to do it with just anyone, preferring that type of intimacy to happen when in an exclusive relationship. If that’s the case, use your hand,  use a toy…get creative but don’t make the biggest sex mistake there is and finish a lovely expression of love or hot crazed sex with a flop ending. MAKE HER CUM!!!!!!!

 

 

The Miracle of Morning Sex

I’ve discussed many times already about the health benefits of sex. We know that orgasms release endorphins and endorphins have a similar chemical structure to morphine. In addition to their analgesic, or pain-relieving, effect, endorphins are thought to be involved in controlling the body’s response to stress, determining mood and a few other things that don’t pertain to my topic, so I’m not gonna mention them.

My point is that, like strenuous exercise, sex gives you energy and improves your mood, unless it’s shitty sex…don’t have shitty sex.  Remember, you need to have an orgasm,  if you can’t do that via penetration alone, then make some polite suggestions. If you’re too sleepy to make some verbal suggestions… then just turn yourself until you are sitting on his face and move down into blow job position and start licking! He’ll get the idea rather quick and you will get that endorphin release you need to kick-start your day.

Some of you may prefer to sleep but I’ll be honest, if you get a good orgasm, you’ll not be tired and your mood will be improved. Doesn’t that sound better than an extra 20 minutes of sleep or a big coffee and a donut? (Though, I’ll still have the coffee and donut after…)

You may not have a cooperative partner, he may be a lump who just can’t wake up. If that’s the case, get your dildo and take care of yourself. This isn’t the 1950’s, masturbating is no longer a sin…it’s almost a fucking requirement when our lives are so busy and over-scheduled. So, if you don’t have a good dildo or vibrator go to Adam and Eve and pick one up!!

Now wake up and get your day started the right way!!

Sex Mistakes Men Make: #1 The Beginning

sex-education_2433736bSex does not begin in the bedroom…for women

Okay guys we understand that for most of you, you can turn the lights out and “Mr Happy” can become “Mr. Ready-for-action” lickety-split. This is okay if you have just started a relationship because in the beginning – we’re all horned up and excited much of the time.  The problem is that this does not last for us women.

Once we’re past the super exciting honeymoon period and life starts to creep back into our everyday lives, we need a bit more than a wink and a smile. I’m not saying that you can’t excite us in the bedroom, you can…but if you’ve ignored us most of the day, it will be a lot more work for both of us and you may not be successful.

Don’t listen to the comedians, we don’t just need food and compliments. We need human contact, most especially with the man we love. If you spend your entire day gaming, facebooking, chatting with your buddies, working, napping, running errands, and etc… – what are you NOT doing? That’s right, you are not spending any quality time with your woman. I’m not saying you can’t do with your free time as you wish, you can…  But I am saying if your priorities don’t include the person you claim to love, you will be going to sleep with rosy palm and her five fingers or a set of blue balls. Because when we don’t feel loved and important – WE DON’T GET WET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And if we don’t get wet, we’ll choose sleep over you.  Before you even think it, let me say that this is not us being vindictive. It’s practical. It’s late, we’re tired and we have two choices:

  1.  lose sleep for mediocre sex with someone who chose everyone and everything but us all day long.
  2.  get some much needed rest and start the day over tomorrow.

What would you choose? Honestly, you’re being a selfish person if you think she owes you sex after being ignored all day. If you love her, treat her better. If you don’t, then cut her loose…there are PLENTY of men who would look at your woman as a treasure. Don’t forget that.

So what can you do? How can you have it all without feeling like you have to step and fetch for your woman? Because I’m not suggesting that either!!!

While you are doing your things and she’s doing hers… stop a minute and give her a hug or accept one from her if she comes to you, kiss her and show you appreciate her. You don’t have to ignore your own need to do stuff, you just need to not forget the person you love exists.

A woman needs to feel safe and secure in a relationship and if you ignore her too much, she will not feel safe or secure any longer.If she’s trying to talk to you and you can’t tear your eyes away from your FB friends, you just told her that they mean more to you than she does. If that’s not your goal the give her your attention for a minute and a nice long hug. Hugging releases pleasure hormones and creates a sense of connection and trust. Those are feelings of safety and when a woman feels safe and secure, she feels loved and when she feels loved – she want to FUCK.

Arousal begins in the brain for us women. Keep contact and connection with us throughout the day and you will have begun our foreplay. Also, it wouldn’t hurt if maybe you did begin some foreplay before dragging us to the bedroom, the kitchen or wherever you plan on banging us, but that’s for another blog. 😉

You understand what I’m saying now, fellas? I’m not trying to shame you, I’m trying to help you get laid because when you’re getting laid…my Big Girls are getting laid.

Hopefully you all understand how to start the process and now understand that for us women, sex does not start in the bedroom.

Happy Fucking!

 

 

 

The Big Girl’s Guide to Orgasms…

bibir-seksiEverybody wants one, not everyone knows how to get/give one. Why is it so complicated? Because despite the fact that we see sex EVERYWHERE, we are still a fairly repressed society. We see sex on magazines, television, billboards but mention it in company and it’s done in hushed whispers. Pssssst, because we still think it’s dirty.

My feeling on this is: sex is dirty… if you’re lucky enough to have a good partner. I love dirty sex. Dirty sex means I’m getting off and getting off good.  If I only cum once…it’s almost disappointing. I’m a real whore when it comes to getting off and you should be too.

We only live once, you know…

I’m going to recap what you need to know about women and orgasms. I covered this in my post on masturbation .

There are 4 types of orgasms a woman can have…yes, FOUR!! And Feminists didn’t do shit to get them for us. 😉

  • Clitoral orgasms – the clitoris has 8000 nerve endings so with the right amount of pressure and effort, you can blow your lid pretty quickly just by stimulating that tiny little button (or in some cases a turkey neck).
  • Vaginal orgasms – some people believe in a G-spot others don’t. To achieve an orgasm this way takes longer, so the longer you are being penetrated and thrust into the more likely you will achieve the Big O. Making sure you are lubed up or wet enough is a must. Tilting your pelvis helps to reach the sweet spot. It’s trial and error but oh so worth it when you get there.
  • Blended orgasms – these occur when you are stimulating both the clit and the vagina. This is the MOST powerful orgasm and when you get one of these, you’ll likely not be able to walk right away from all that leg shaking.
  • Multiple orgasms – these happen one after the other pretty quickly. Not everyone can withstand the constant stimulation but those who can…holy shit!!

So, how do you achieve them? Before you can get your partner to help you cum, you need to be able to cum on your own. So…masturbate. Masturbate a lot. If you don’t know how to do it then read my tips on masturbation here. One of the easiest ways to achieve orgasm is through oral sex but you should be willing to give as well as receive, even if it’s not required. Also, keep a nice pretty pussy. Don’t ask someone to put their face and mouth in an unkempt, smelly jungle. Read my guide to going “Downtown” and enjoy what happens next.

Should You Fake It?

Don’t get in the habit of faking orgasms. What’s the point? Your partner wants to make you cum, if you fake it – you’ve cheated them and yourself. I get not wanting to hurt someone’s feelings. I don’t want to hurt anyone either, so I try hard to not be a cunt. (I sometimes fail…LOL) If you fake it too much, you guarantee one thing…shitty sex.

Sometimes you simply have to say, “Baby, I love you but I think you’re gonna need to eat my pussy before you fuck me”.  It will make orgasms via penetration much easier, if you’ve already cum once or are on the verge of it.

If you can’t say that, then say instead: “Let’s 69!!!” That’s sexy and it’s only 2 words!!!

Don’t fear losing control and don’t spend too much time thinking about your orgasm. Be in the moment. The minute you start worrying that you may not cum, you won’t. Turn your brain off, and let your body turn on.

The point I’m trying to make here is this…we have many different ways to achieve The Big O, you need to find out what works for you, then relax and enjoy the ride.

One last thing…NO ASS TO MOUTH. That’s just a no. No ASS to anything. You love anal, great!!! Do it last and hit the showers.

 

Have a great weekend!!!