Tag Archive | self confidence

Sex Mistakes Women Make: The Beginning

A while back I wrote a couple of pieces on the mistakes that men make during sex with women. Now I want to cover mistakes that women make when fucking men. What? Women make mistakes? That’s crazy talk right? I mean what could we possibly do wrong? Plenty. I’m only going to cover three of the biggiest.

Mistake #1 – Initiating sex

You don’t do it. You simply don’t initiate any action at all. You wait until he wants it and if he doesn’t want it when you do – you get upset. Unless you’re dating a psychic, he’s not a fucking mind reader. You need to be a less passive partner. Men like to know they are desired by you as much as you like knowing you’re wanted by them. Despite the bravado, which is often a front – men can be a bit insecure as well. Let them know you want to fuck their brains out and it will make sex hotter for both of you.

Now you’re thinking…great how do I do that?

Use your words, your eyes, your body and leave the mind reading for the shysters.  Tell your man you want him in his hear or text him while he’s in the room with you, show him by talking dirty and caressing him thru his pants. I send dirty stories starring me to my man to get him heated up while he’s working. Then I’d text him naked pics of myself so he’d be hot and ready to go by the time he got home from work. Plenty of times “Hi honey, I’m home” didn’t get said until after he blew a load. sexting-3_0.png

Whatever it is – the key is to DO SOMETHING. If you are at home you can show him by avoiding Mistake #2.

Mistake #2 – Hiding Your Body

Men are visual – much more than women. So the thing that you should absolutely be doing is GETTING NAKED in front of your man. Stop focusing on all your flaws real or imagined  and try really hard to remember one very important thing. The man you are hiding your body from wants to fuck your brains out. That means he’s hot for you and your body. Nothing will get a man harder than actually seeing what you are covering up. So seriously…stop doing that!!! Show him the goods. Flaunt your body. Undress slowly. You can initiate sex by simply disrobing in front of him while staring into his eyes and smiling. Fuck him with the lights on and stop telling him all the reasons you are not hot. It’s a turn off. Shut your mouth, peel off your clothes, walk over to him and kiss him. He’ll take it from there.

Mistake #3 – Experimentation Vapors

You’ve been together for a while and your honey says to you – let’s try something new. You are not under any obligation to say yes, especially if what he’s suggesting turns you off. But you don’t need to freak out and start a fight over it either. Also, suggesting something new isn’t an insult to you, so don’t take it that way. It’s actually a compliment. It means that he feels comfortable enough with you and your relationship, that he’s willing to open up about other things that turn him on. Again, you are under no obligation to try it but you definitely should consider it unless it sounds super painful or the idea completely turns you off.  Relationships are a two-way street – and if you want him to do for you, you should be willing to do for him too.

The most important thing to remember is not to make him feel bad about opening up to you.  If you do, he’ll stop opening up and your relationship will eventually fizzle.

So there you have it some of the biggest mistakes women make with men in the bedroom.

Arousal for women begins in the brain but for men it begins with the eyes… they are more visual than women. It doesn’t make them less than us, it makes them different. So our approach to satisfying a man has to be different than their approach to satisfying us.

Hopefully you all understand how to start the process and now understand that for men, sex does not start in the bedroom, it starts wherever you  initiate it. A man will fuck you up against a brick wall if you let him….so tell him that you want him to do just that !

 

Why Fat Shamers Are Delusional

The Fat Shamers are out en masse in 2016. They tell themselves and everyone who might listen that they are doing it for the good of all us poor, sad fatties! We need help, they tell themselves because we are too stupid to understand how fat and disgraceful we are. We’re saving their lives! Obviously, they don’t know they’re fat – and they’re too stupid to read a scale, watch tv or listen to their doctors…so we’ll shame them into fitness!

News Flash Assholes: Shaming people rarely has a positive effect, you’re not saving anyone’s life by ridiculing them – you’re more likely driving them to eat and actually gaining more weight. You want to Fat Shame someone? Fine! Own it but don’t try and convince anyone else that you are doing it for a greater good. You’re doing to feel morally superior and because you enjoy hurting people, especially weak people, not helping them. You obviously have some major insecurities causing you to seek redress with someone you feel is more deserving of ridicule…more deserving than you.

I have heard some of the stupidest reasoning behind fat shaming. My favorite was that the Fat Acceptance movement is somehow requiring/demanding that men change their innate desire and find fat women hot. Wow…you really think our big, fat bodies could actually make that leap?

You are D-E-L-U-S-I-O-N-A-L!

Fat Acceptance is first and foremost about people ACCEPTING and LOVING themselves for who and what they are. How insanely criminal, right? Secondly, it’s about allowing us to live our life how we choose to live it — without ridicule.

It isn’t about you fat shaming assholes at all, I mean, it’s not a miracle movement. It most certainly isn’t a movement that is demanding that anyone actually change what they find sexually appealing. We actually need very little help in that regard. There are more than enough people (men and women) who actually find thick, chubby and fat sexy. You don’t and we’re fine with that. I don’t find insecure little assholes sexually attractive either – so it’s a win-win, as they say.

In closing, I would just like to say that this is a big world and we should all be able to live in peacefully and we should all be treated with respect. If you want to be a fat shaming asshole, be the best fat shaming asshole in the world…I support you! But don’t be a liar. Don’t lie to yourself or try lying to the rest of us about why you do it…because we know why and it’s not about being helpful. It’s because you’re an insecure person who thinks that self-confidence comes from bloviation and bluster. It doesn’t, you know…you have to find that inside yourself.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Tales Of Candy Gazelle (A Series)

???????????????????????????????????????????????????Candy Gazelle is the kind of girl that no girl wants to be…in short she’s a pathetic, hateful, twit who is lacking both morals and self esteem.  She masquerades as something bigger and more awesome but she’s a soulless person who uses whatever and whomever she can to inflate her false self because she’s fears her true self.

Candy is an innovator, an entrepreneur, a great business woman, she’s the greatest thing to happen to cosmetics since Coco Chanel…just ask her and that’s what she’ll tell you. Candy Gazelle is basically an Avon Lady using off market products. She goes door to door selling and applying her make up and giving out tips to all who call but it’s not too many people because she only works 10 hours a week. Don’t tell that to real entrepreneurs, they’d scoff at her laziness…poor Coco would roll over in her grave!

Candy is fat and very proud, she thinks that shows how confident she is and if she was just a proud fat girl, it would. Unfortunately, Candy feels it’s necessary to tear down others even when they help prevent Candy’s clients from looking like hookers (Candy’s still learning her trade…shhh), she’s boastful, loud and tacky. Candy thinks confidence and strength means you must be a complete bitch, she’s wrong.  Don’t be like Candy Gazelle.

Confidence is quiet assurance and a belief in yourself and your abilities.  It’s poise and certitude. It’s all about you and requires no negative thinking about anyone.

Candy Gazelle doesn’t understand that, so she feels the need to tear down others as a way of propping up her very fragile ego.  She’s had many adventures that sent her down the rabbit hole of self loathing and I’m not sure she will ever get herself out of it, especially since I have a very vivid imagination. 😉

I’m going to tell you many of her sad stories, hopefully we can learn and even laugh at her many, many misadventures.

When our journey is over, I want you to proudly stand up and say I will NEVER be Candy Gazelle.

Fake It Till You Make It

No, not orgasms!! Never fake those…that’s a bad fucking habit and yes, I mean that LITERALLY. You start faking orgasms then you will be forever faking them. Sex without orgasms is like pasta with sauce, it’ll do in a pinch but eh, I’d rather not bother. Never treat sex like that, it’s simply way too amazing to treat so blah.

I’m talking about self confidence.  When you are insecure, it shows in everything you do. You walk with your head kinda down, shoulders kinda slumped, and you dress kinda “meh”…  You present a “meh” image and you you get treated like the color beige, who the fuck gets excited by the color beige? Yeah, nobody!!!

What do you do? You hate your body, you hate your hair, you hate your face…you are positively beastly! When you think that way, you look that way and people see you that way. You want people to see you better? That starts with you. Treat yourself the way you’d treat a sweet child or a puppy for you I like puppies better than kid peeps. Smile, show yourself some kindness and if you must pretend then do so. Pretend you are the best looking thing on the planet.  Choose to change one single thing about yourself a week. Start with something easy, this week smile. Smile all day, when you’re alone, when you’re out and about, when you’re in the shower…smile, smile, smile! Watch how a simple smile changes how you start feeling and how people start responding. Next week smile and walk with your head held high.  The week after that smile, head held high and now shoulders back and walk straight. The week after that change your hair, keep smiling and keep walking with your head up and shoulders back. Next buy some sexy clothes and wear them with your sexy hair, continue smiling and keep walking with your head up and shoulders back. And so on…

See what I’m doing here? It’s like an exercise program that doesn’t make you sweaty. Self confidence is something that none of us is born with…it’s developed, like muscles (though we are born with those…don’t get distracted by semantics). 😉 Develop a strong sense of self and project it onto the world, it will make it much harder to be hurt by mean comments and looks if you know your own value.

Give it a try and fake it, until you make it!!!!

Feds Wonder Why Fat Girls Can’t Get Dates

The NIH was awarded nearly a half a million dollars in grant money to find out why Fat Girls date less and have more risky sexual behavior than their thinner counterparts.

The National Institutes of Health (NIH) awarded a $466,642 grant last week for the study, which will examine whether social skills have an impact on why obese girls have fewer dating experiences than their less obese counterparts.

“Mounting evidence demonstrates that weight influences intimate (i.e., dating and sexual) relationship formation and sexual negotiations among adolescent girls,” the grant’s abstract states. “Obese girls consistently report having fewer dating and sexual experiences, but more sexual risk behaviors (i.e., condom nonuse) once they are sexually active.”

Are you fucking serious? I’ll tell you for free and I don’t need to take a survey or conduct a study. YES, being fat fucks with your social skills and self confidence. Society at large tells us that fat people are fucking worthless, so, yeah that’s gonna have an impact on the little things like self esteem. A lack of self confidence will affect a person’s social skills making it harder to approach someone or allow someone to approach you.  Guys that are the “pick up artist” type prey on women with self esteem issues and fat girls are at the top of that list. Desperation to be accepted and loved makes these chubby chicks sexually reckless.

There it is in a nutshell. Total cost to the Fed Govt – $0.00. Now go cure Cancer, fund Autism research…do something more than waste money on studies that won’t affect a damn thing. You can’t force people to be nice, you can’t force people to stop Fat Shaming and you can’t force people to be self confident.  Let those of us who know how it feels, help those of us in need…

/Rant

 

Thin Privilege

I read a great piece about the subject of Thin Privilege, a thing most people don’t realize even exists but as a fat chick I can say that it does and spells it out beautifully. Read this:

Is being fat really the worst thing a person can be? Is it worse than being a liar, a cheat, a gossip mongrel, a rapist, a sadist, an asshole, a horrible person, or a complete waste of a human life?

Sadly, the answer is yes. Yes, because we live in a society that looks down upon people, simply based on the amount of space they take. Never mind their intellect, their creativity, their sense of humor, their kindness, their compassion. We live in a society where a fat person is first, and foremost, fat. That is their premier identifier. And everything else they are, everything they want to be comes afterwards.

Once I realized this, I realized the following, as well:
1.) I am more privileged than I will ever know.
2.) My thinness has gotten me interviews over other women.
3.) My thinness has gotten me the attention of men.
4.) My thinness is equated to beauty.
5.) If my career goes down the drain, my family life falls apart, I end up with no friends, and my life spirals down to a complete fail, I will still be thin. And that will count for something.
6.) All of the above disgust me to no end.
7.) Just as a fat person is primarily identified by their fatness, a thin person is primarily identified by their thinness.

These are all valid points and I agree with her. I believe we live in a world with many different types of privilege but thin privilege is one that affect ALL of us without regard to race, religion, sex or socio-economic status. We all experience it and nobody pays attention to it because society has deemed fat people as unhealthy, unattractive and unwelcome. We’re fine with that because we all hate fat people, we hate them even more than we hate smokers!

Even fat people engage in it. How many times have you, as a fat person, seen another fat person and felt BETTER when you realized you were thinner? How many times have you been pissed when you got dumped for someone fatter than you? It’s really hypocritical but we’ve all done it.

There are many thin women who wonder how in the Hell do us fat chicks get men?. And further, how in the Hell can the man you loved leave you or cheat on you with a woman not as hot as you (i.e. fatter)? You struggle to understand why and how this happens. I’ll fill you in.

Because most of you have benefited from the privileges of thinness, you’ve never had to try hard to get a man. Getting a man is easy, keeping him gets trickier.  Being thin and presumed pretty means you didn’t have to be interesting, funny or even nice. Privileged people assume the world is their oyster because it often is but not when it comes to relationships. Eventually, the shallowness of your relationship will wean and there has to be something more that you have to offer than being thin/pretty and if you don’t have anything, you’ll lose that man you didn’t even break a sweat winning. Fat girls have to try harder, work harder, be more than just fat to win a man. We have to be funny, nice, interesting, pretty helps but not all of us are and when we’re fat pretty isn’t assumed like it is when you’re thin. Basically, fat chicks have to rock their personalities and if they do…the men, even the ones who say they don’t like fat girls, start to get won over. A great personality makes people more attractive. Did you ever notice that someone that you didn’t think was that hot suddenly starts getting hotter the more you get to know and like them? Yeah…that’s how we do it. That’s how us fat chicks get men away from the thin/pretty privileged girls and that’s how we keep them. We didn’t get them because our bodies were perfect, we got them because we worked hard to get them, we work hard to keep them and we make them feel loved and appreciated. We don’t treat men like they are lucky to stand next to us, we treat them like we are lucky and proud to be with them. We make men feel like men and we swallow. Swallowing is good. 😉 We don’t have the self confidence of thin women because we know we are looked down upon. Imagine what would happen if we had the same playing field?

That’s the point of my blog. Big Girls are never gonna have an even playing field but we should at least know that men do like us. Men choose us over thin women all the time. What we should all stop doing though is hating on each other and perpetuating the privilege that already exists. There is nothing wrong with being fat, if you are happy and comfortable in your skin and there is nothing wrong with being thin or wanting to be thin. There’s also nothing special about being either fat or thin. What counts, in the end, is being happy with who and what you are and being the best you that you can be. Self confidence is the best outfit in town but if you want a relationship you have to do more and be more than a pretty picture – regardless of size.

So, the next time you get dumped by a man who is with a “fat” girl, don’t ask yourself what the fuck is wrong with him. Ask yourself what the fuck did you have to offer him besides a pretty package?

Think about that for a bit…and let me know what you think.

 

 

 

 

How Do You Handle Disappointment?

Dear Queen,

What do you do when you try to be sexy but your man is not in the mood? It’s so disappointing and it makes me want to wither up and just die of shame.It makes me scared to try and be forward again.  My husband was in a rotten mood and just wasn’t really responding. He tried a little, I’ll give him that but mostly not. I felt awkward trying to seduce him with flirting and sexy emails and worse when he just basically rejected me. I was so hopeful but now I’m just crushed.

We’ve all been there, trust me, and it is a very crushing feeling. Rejection, indifference or even a lackluster response can make even the sturdiest ego waver for a bit. Allow yourself some healing time, there is nothing wrong with what you’re feeling, it’s normal. Don’t have sex when you feel this way, take a bit of time to let your wounded ego heal. Why? Because the sex won’t be good for you, if you have rejection in your head. You need to clear that out. Fake cramps if you must but don’t have sex while you feel bad about yourself.

You said he was in a rotten mood, unless he was upset with you, I wouldn’t take the rejection too hard. I know…easier said than done. When you’re hurting you won’t see anything rationally but in a day or so you will and you’ll realize that his mood was the problem; not YOU and not your attempts to seduce him. It was just bad timing. I want you to look in the mirror and say this mantra 20 times every single time you use the bathroom:

I am a sexy, unstoppable Goddess. my man is thoroughly seduced.

In a few days, I want you to try again. You know that old saying about getting back on the horse? Well, saddle up and try again. Make sure you ask him how he’s feeling and how his day has been going. Get a solid read on his mood before you start flirting. If he’s fine, then go for it. If not, pick another day or wait and try later if things improve with him. Don’t give up on him or yourself. Let your inner Goddess out and you will not regret it.

 

I hope this helps.