Tag Archive | men

The Dating Pool In Your 30’s and Beyond

We’ve all seen the memes. The girls have one for the guys and the guys have one for the girls. Just in case you haven’t seen them, take a look:

girls30s
And this one…
30's guys

I’m going to be brutally honest when I tell you that IF the dating pool hasn’t changed for you, then the pool isn’t the problem.

You are.

Terminally single people in their 30s and beyond have a problem, actually many problems, but the biggest problem is that they keep picking the same person over and over again hoping and/or expecting this one will be different. It’s not. If you burn your hand on something hot, you learn very quickly not to touch hot things. This is not the case, however, when it comes to dating. Here’s how it looks when you are a terminally single person: You choose wrong, you burn yourself, you choose wrong, you burn yourself, you choose wrong, you burn yourself, you choose wrong, you burn yourself, you choose wrong, you burn yourself and YOU LEARN NOTHING.

The dating pool isn’t a pool of shit, YOUR dating pool is a pool of shit because you’re standing in the same fucking pool you’ve been in since your 20’s. Nothing has changed because YOU haven’t changed and despite what you think — you haven’t grown. You can’t grow if you don’t learn from your mistakes and more importantly, you can’t learn from your mistakes if you don’t think you’ve made any.

Self-reflection or self-examination is a crucial skill to learn and employ. Self-examination means scrutiny of one’s own conduct, motives, desires, etc. If you can’t honestly assess yourself, you will NEVER grow as a person and if you don’t grow – you will keep dating in loserville.

You may now be wondering, what the fuck do I do? The first thing you should do is understand that every relationship is two people…unless you are poly-amorous. When two people are in a relationship then two people are to blame when shit goes wrong – just the same as two people are to be commended when things go right. So, when your relationship ended – it ended because you both fucked up. I know you know how THEY fucked up…but how did you contribute? Because you did. You absolutely fucked up too. Maybe you’re one of those people who thinks that jealousy = love, so you said or did things to make your partner jealous. Maybe you’re a bad listener, insecure, intolerant, hyper-critical, unrealistic, unforgiving or even a complete bitch. Take a look at all of your relationships – do you see any patterns in your behavior? The pattern you find is the very thing that is keeping you in the dating shit-pool.

Work on yourself and be more open to the possibilities – who knows you may find out that the dating pool in your 30s and beyond is really…

pictures-of-the-ocean-19

Sex Mistakes Men Make: The End

sex-education_2433736bSex usually ends with an orgasm or it should. So, what mistake do men make in the area of orgasm? For most men the big mistake here is that they expect intercourse to give her an orgasm and if it doesn’t – they assume that something is wrong with her – either physically or emotionally.

Here are the facts, only 25% of women are consistently orgasmic during vaginal intercourse. Did everyone read that? ONLY 25%, why is this important? The answer is from the linked article:

* It’s perfectly normal for women not to have orgasms during intercourse. Most women need direct clitoral stimulation to experience orgasm. They don’t get it during intercourse because the clitoris is located outside the vagina and a few inches above it under the top junction of the vaginal lips. Intercourse simply does not provide enough direct clitoral stimulation to allow most women to become aroused enough to have orgasms. “Intercourse is okay,” says New York City sex educator Betty Dodson, Ph.D. “But I much prefer a talented tongue on my clitoris.”

* Penis size doesn’t matter to most women’s sexual satisfaction. If only 25 percent of women are consistently orgasmic during intercourse, then for most women, penis size doesn’t matter. The fact is, any size penis can provide great pleasure to the man it’s attached to. But they key to most women’s erotic pleasure comes not from the penis and intercourse, but from direct clitoral stimulation, using the fingers, palm, tongue, or sex toys.

What we just learned is that about 75% of women need clitoral stimulation to achieve an orgasm consistently and this begs a big question:

Why don’t all men just include clitoral stimulation in their repertoire?

And this is where the mistake I mentioned comes into play.

Many men just think that there is something wrong with a woman who can’t cum from his amazing cock. It’s an ego thing and because of that – they don’t feel that they should put in the extra effort. Some men are fooled by the excellent acting skills of their lover as she fakes a Meg Ryan style orgasm, as long as she’s wet they are a believer!!!

Take your time, extend foreplay, get her to orgasm or near orgasm before you enter and you will exponentially increase the odds that she will cum once you are inside her. A great way to do it is to take her from behind and while you are happily thrusting away, reach around and play with her clitoris. Another no-brainer is to eat that pussy and eat it well. The key here is to make sure you don’t enter to soon.

Here’s the bottom line, you don’t ONLY have to eat her out to make her cum, if that’s your fear. Some men just don’t like to do it and some don’t like to do it with just anyone, preferring that type of intimacy to happen when in an exclusive relationship. If that’s the case, use your hand,  use a toy…get creative but don’t make the biggest sex mistake there is and finish a lovely expression of love or hot crazed sex with a flop ending. MAKE HER CUM!!!!!!!

 

 

Thin Privilege

I read a great piece about the subject of Thin Privilege, a thing most people don’t realize even exists but as a fat chick I can say that it does and spells it out beautifully. Read this:

Is being fat really the worst thing a person can be? Is it worse than being a liar, a cheat, a gossip mongrel, a rapist, a sadist, an asshole, a horrible person, or a complete waste of a human life?

Sadly, the answer is yes. Yes, because we live in a society that looks down upon people, simply based on the amount of space they take. Never mind their intellect, their creativity, their sense of humor, their kindness, their compassion. We live in a society where a fat person is first, and foremost, fat. That is their premier identifier. And everything else they are, everything they want to be comes afterwards.

Once I realized this, I realized the following, as well:
1.) I am more privileged than I will ever know.
2.) My thinness has gotten me interviews over other women.
3.) My thinness has gotten me the attention of men.
4.) My thinness is equated to beauty.
5.) If my career goes down the drain, my family life falls apart, I end up with no friends, and my life spirals down to a complete fail, I will still be thin. And that will count for something.
6.) All of the above disgust me to no end.
7.) Just as a fat person is primarily identified by their fatness, a thin person is primarily identified by their thinness.

These are all valid points and I agree with her. I believe we live in a world with many different types of privilege but thin privilege is one that affect ALL of us without regard to race, religion, sex or socio-economic status. We all experience it and nobody pays attention to it because society has deemed fat people as unhealthy, unattractive and unwelcome. We’re fine with that because we all hate fat people, we hate them even more than we hate smokers!

Even fat people engage in it. How many times have you, as a fat person, seen another fat person and felt BETTER when you realized you were thinner? How many times have you been pissed when you got dumped for someone fatter than you? It’s really hypocritical but we’ve all done it.

There are many thin women who wonder how in the Hell do us fat chicks get men?. And further, how in the Hell can the man you loved leave you or cheat on you with a woman not as hot as you (i.e. fatter)? You struggle to understand why and how this happens. I’ll fill you in.

Because most of you have benefited from the privileges of thinness, you’ve never had to try hard to get a man. Getting a man is easy, keeping him gets trickier.  Being thin and presumed pretty means you didn’t have to be interesting, funny or even nice. Privileged people assume the world is their oyster because it often is but not when it comes to relationships. Eventually, the shallowness of your relationship will wean and there has to be something more that you have to offer than being thin/pretty and if you don’t have anything, you’ll lose that man you didn’t even break a sweat winning. Fat girls have to try harder, work harder, be more than just fat to win a man. We have to be funny, nice, interesting, pretty helps but not all of us are and when we’re fat pretty isn’t assumed like it is when you’re thin. Basically, fat chicks have to rock their personalities and if they do…the men, even the ones who say they don’t like fat girls, start to get won over. A great personality makes people more attractive. Did you ever notice that someone that you didn’t think was that hot suddenly starts getting hotter the more you get to know and like them? Yeah…that’s how we do it. That’s how us fat chicks get men away from the thin/pretty privileged girls and that’s how we keep them. We didn’t get them because our bodies were perfect, we got them because we worked hard to get them, we work hard to keep them and we make them feel loved and appreciated. We don’t treat men like they are lucky to stand next to us, we treat them like we are lucky and proud to be with them. We make men feel like men and we swallow. Swallowing is good. 😉 We don’t have the self confidence of thin women because we know we are looked down upon. Imagine what would happen if we had the same playing field?

That’s the point of my blog. Big Girls are never gonna have an even playing field but we should at least know that men do like us. Men choose us over thin women all the time. What we should all stop doing though is hating on each other and perpetuating the privilege that already exists. There is nothing wrong with being fat, if you are happy and comfortable in your skin and there is nothing wrong with being thin or wanting to be thin. There’s also nothing special about being either fat or thin. What counts, in the end, is being happy with who and what you are and being the best you that you can be. Self confidence is the best outfit in town but if you want a relationship you have to do more and be more than a pretty picture – regardless of size.

So, the next time you get dumped by a man who is with a “fat” girl, don’t ask yourself what the fuck is wrong with him. Ask yourself what the fuck did you have to offer him besides a pretty package?

Think about that for a bit…and let me know what you think.