Tag Archive | love

Sex Mistakes Women Make: The Beginning

A while back I wrote a couple of pieces on the mistakes that men make during sex with women. Now I want to cover mistakes that women make when fucking men. What? Women make mistakes? That’s crazy talk right? I mean what could we possibly do wrong? Plenty. I’m only going to cover three of the biggiest.

Mistake #1 – Initiating sex

You don’t do it. You simply don’t initiate any action at all. You wait until he wants it and if he doesn’t want it when you do – you get upset. Unless you’re dating a psychic, he’s not a fucking mind reader. You need to be a less passive partner. Men like to know they are desired by you as much as you like knowing you’re wanted by them. Despite the bravado, which is often a front – men can be a bit insecure as well. Let them know you want to fuck their brains out and it will make sex hotter for both of you.

Now you’re thinking…great how do I do that?

Use your words, your eyes, your body and leave the mind reading for the shysters.  Tell your man you want him in his hear or text him while he’s in the room with you, show him by talking dirty and caressing him thru his pants. I send dirty stories starring me to my man to get him heated up while he’s working. Then I’d text him naked pics of myself so he’d be hot and ready to go by the time he got home from work. Plenty of times “Hi honey, I’m home” didn’t get said until after he blew a load. sexting-3_0.png

Whatever it is – the key is to DO SOMETHING. If you are at home you can show him by avoiding Mistake #2.

Mistake #2 – Hiding Your Body

Men are visual – much more than women. So the thing that you should absolutely be doing is GETTING NAKED in front of your man. Stop focusing on all your flaws real or imagined  and try really hard to remember one very important thing. The man you are hiding your body from wants to fuck your brains out. That means he’s hot for you and your body. Nothing will get a man harder than actually seeing what you are covering up. So seriously…stop doing that!!! Show him the goods. Flaunt your body. Undress slowly. You can initiate sex by simply disrobing in front of him while staring into his eyes and smiling. Fuck him with the lights on and stop telling him all the reasons you are not hot. It’s a turn off. Shut your mouth, peel off your clothes, walk over to him and kiss him. He’ll take it from there.

Mistake #3 – Experimentation Vapors

You’ve been together for a while and your honey says to you – let’s try something new. You are not under any obligation to say yes, especially if what he’s suggesting turns you off. But you don’t need to freak out and start a fight over it either. Also, suggesting something new isn’t an insult to you, so don’t take it that way. It’s actually a compliment. It means that he feels comfortable enough with you and your relationship, that he’s willing to open up about other things that turn him on. Again, you are under no obligation to try it but you definitely should consider it unless it sounds super painful or the idea completely turns you off.  Relationships are a two-way street – and if you want him to do for you, you should be willing to do for him too.

The most important thing to remember is not to make him feel bad about opening up to you.  If you do, he’ll stop opening up and your relationship will eventually fizzle.

So there you have it some of the biggest mistakes women make with men in the bedroom.

Arousal for women begins in the brain but for men it begins with the eyes… they are more visual than women. It doesn’t make them less than us, it makes them different. So our approach to satisfying a man has to be different than their approach to satisfying us.

Hopefully you all understand how to start the process and now understand that for men, sex does not start in the bedroom, it starts wherever you  initiate it. A man will fuck you up against a brick wall if you let him….so tell him that you want him to do just that !

 

The Dating Pool In Your 30’s and Beyond

We’ve all seen the memes. The girls have one for the guys and the guys have one for the girls. Just in case you haven’t seen them, take a look:

girls30s
And this one…
30's guys

I’m going to be brutally honest when I tell you that IF the dating pool hasn’t changed for you, then the pool isn’t the problem.

You are.

Terminally single people in their 30s and beyond have a problem, actually many problems, but the biggest problem is that they keep picking the same person over and over again hoping and/or expecting this one will be different. It’s not. If you burn your hand on something hot, you learn very quickly not to touch hot things. This is not the case, however, when it comes to dating. Here’s how it looks when you are a terminally single person: You choose wrong, you burn yourself, you choose wrong, you burn yourself, you choose wrong, you burn yourself, you choose wrong, you burn yourself, you choose wrong, you burn yourself and YOU LEARN NOTHING.

The dating pool isn’t a pool of shit, YOUR dating pool is a pool of shit because you’re standing in the same fucking pool you’ve been in since your 20’s. Nothing has changed because YOU haven’t changed and despite what you think — you haven’t grown. You can’t grow if you don’t learn from your mistakes and more importantly, you can’t learn from your mistakes if you don’t think you’ve made any.

Self-reflection or self-examination is a crucial skill to learn and employ. Self-examination means scrutiny of one’s own conduct, motives, desires, etc. If you can’t honestly assess yourself, you will NEVER grow as a person and if you don’t grow – you will keep dating in loserville.

You may now be wondering, what the fuck do I do? The first thing you should do is understand that every relationship is two people…unless you are poly-amorous. When two people are in a relationship then two people are to blame when shit goes wrong – just the same as two people are to be commended when things go right. So, when your relationship ended – it ended because you both fucked up. I know you know how THEY fucked up…but how did you contribute? Because you did. You absolutely fucked up too. Maybe you’re one of those people who thinks that jealousy = love, so you said or did things to make your partner jealous. Maybe you’re a bad listener, insecure, intolerant, hyper-critical, unrealistic, unforgiving or even a complete bitch. Take a look at all of your relationships – do you see any patterns in your behavior? The pattern you find is the very thing that is keeping you in the dating shit-pool.

Work on yourself and be more open to the possibilities – who knows you may find out that the dating pool in your 30s and beyond is really…

pictures-of-the-ocean-19

Why Fat Shamers Are Delusional

The Fat Shamers are out en masse in 2016. They tell themselves and everyone who might listen that they are doing it for the good of all us poor, sad fatties! We need help, they tell themselves because we are too stupid to understand how fat and disgraceful we are. We’re saving their lives! Obviously, they don’t know they’re fat – and they’re too stupid to read a scale, watch tv or listen to their doctors…so we’ll shame them into fitness!

News Flash Assholes: Shaming people rarely has a positive effect, you’re not saving anyone’s life by ridiculing them – you’re more likely driving them to eat and actually gaining more weight. You want to Fat Shame someone? Fine! Own it but don’t try and convince anyone else that you are doing it for a greater good. You’re doing to feel morally superior and because you enjoy hurting people, especially weak people, not helping them. You obviously have some major insecurities causing you to seek redress with someone you feel is more deserving of ridicule…more deserving than you.

I have heard some of the stupidest reasoning behind fat shaming. My favorite was that the Fat Acceptance movement is somehow requiring/demanding that men change their innate desire and find fat women hot. Wow…you really think our big, fat bodies could actually make that leap?

You are D-E-L-U-S-I-O-N-A-L!

Fat Acceptance is first and foremost about people ACCEPTING and LOVING themselves for who and what they are. How insanely criminal, right? Secondly, it’s about allowing us to live our life how we choose to live it — without ridicule.

It isn’t about you fat shaming assholes at all, I mean, it’s not a miracle movement. It most certainly isn’t a movement that is demanding that anyone actually change what they find sexually appealing. We actually need very little help in that regard. There are more than enough people (men and women) who actually find thick, chubby and fat sexy. You don’t and we’re fine with that. I don’t find insecure little assholes sexually attractive either – so it’s a win-win, as they say.

In closing, I would just like to say that this is a big world and we should all be able to live in peacefully and we should all be treated with respect. If you want to be a fat shaming asshole, be the best fat shaming asshole in the world…I support you! But don’t be a liar. Don’t lie to yourself or try lying to the rest of us about why you do it…because we know why and it’s not about being helpful. It’s because you’re an insecure person who thinks that self-confidence comes from bloviation and bluster. It doesn’t, you know…you have to find that inside yourself.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

So She Cheated: Here’s Why

I need to state for the record that I have never been unfaithful to anyone – not a single boyfriend and neither my ex-husband nor my current one. That said, I was tempted to cheat in the past because of poor treatment. Though I chose not to do it, the desire to cheat is something I understand all too well. I am also the chosen confidant of many women and I know why they cheated. Using myself and my friends, I will endeavor to explain why so many women do commit adultery.

I would like to explain a few things about women. This would be pertaining to most normal women and not personality disordered women or that small minority of women that treat sex casually. Women, unlike men, need to have some sort of an emotional bond with someone to be intimate. We need to care, feel safe and believe that we are loved or will be loved before we get naked. Whereas most men simply need a hot ass or nice tits and a pulse …and they’re good to go. Exceptions are everywhere and I’m not gonna get dragged into that. Biologically men and women see sex differently and what gets us there is different.

When a man cheats, he can cheat without emotion. For many men, sex is just sex and they can still love their spouse and cheat with reckless abandon. For the most part women can’t do that. If your woman cheated on you…she’s done with you and she’s been done with you for a while.

Here are the top reasons women cheat:

1. Loss of Intimacy

When a couple gets into a routine, they have kids, they get stressed, they have money issues and start bickering. These things happen to all of us. One of the first things to go is emotional intimacy. You stop communicating, you lash out at her because your boss is a jerk, you get angry at her for every little slight whether real or perceived, you hold grudges, you don’t forgive when she apologizes for anything. These behaviors will eat you up inside until you stop caring…when you stop caring about the state of your relationship, you stop telling your wife what she means to you, you stop making her feel wanted, you treat her like an inconvenience, like a servant and she becomes easy pickings for any man who finds her attractive. And they will find her attractive and when she makes that leap into another man’s bed, she has also let him into her heart.

2. Neglect

You used to spend time together but now all you want to do is play video games, spend your free time on Facebook chatting with your friends or worse, go party with your friends leaving your wife home alone. ALONE. There really is only so much alone time any person can handle before they get lonely and bored. You won’t talk to her anymore, why bother? You’ve got the internet. She’s taking care of the kids, the house, the bills, all the duties you used to share. She tries to tell you that she’s lonely but you don’t care, you’ve gotten selfish. You lash out at her, ignore her even more and continue to put the needs of your friends whether real or in cyberspace ahead of her. You’ve told her both verbally and with body language that YOU DON’T CARE ABOUT HER or HER NEEDS. Her needs will not go away, she will simply need to do as you are doing and get them met elsewhere…and lucky for her there are plenty of men who want to show her a great time and tell her all the things you used to tell her when you cared enough about her to make her feel loved and special.

3. Abuse

Be it verbal, physical, emotional or anything else, an abusive spouse is a spouse begging to be left. If leaving isn’t possible because of threats or finances, cheating most definitely is possible and not only possible but pretty fucking likely. Keep calling her a cunt, keep pushing her around, keep telling her about all the women you’d be fucking if only you were single and I guarantee you this much – that tired cunt will be fucking your best friend or your neighbor faster than you can say “get me a beer, ya bitch!”

4. A Sexless or Perfunctory Sex Relationship

Sex is a necessary function for most of us. When the sex dries up, dwindles to the bare minimum or feels like you are just going through the motions… she’s gonna start thinking that you are cheating, that you no longer love her, that you find her undesirable and eventually the desire to go outside the marriage will be too hard to ignore. When you treat your woman like she’s not a participant in the act but merely a warm body that you are simply ejaculating into…she’s going to stop wanting to be that vessel for you.

She needs sex with emotion, she needs you to see her as more than a warm body and when you stop seeing her, she’s gonna start seeing someone behind your back.

5. Revenge

You cheated on her. You just needed something new, you still love her but you couldn’t help yourself. You needed a taste. It was only a one-night stand, or a quickie with a coworker in the parking lot. You banged some bitch on your lunch hour. You fooled your sweet little clueless wife…you really think she has no clue. You are a fucking IDIOT. She knows. She may not know who you cheated with but she knows you cheated and she is only biding her time. She will pay you back. She will fuck your shit up bad. While she’s fucking up your shit, she’s sucking your best friend’s cock. And not just him, she’s going to fuck your boss, your brother and if your Daddy is still in good shape – she’ll bang him too.

You cheat on your wife, do not be surprised if she pays you back tenfold.

So, to sum it up…cheating is WRONG. Cheating is a horrible and destructive thing to do. I do not condone it, I do not accept it and I do not think you are brave if you choose to do it. You’re an asshole who chose to do something despicable. There are many people who cheat for no reason beyond plain selfishness. There are plenty of people who are just pieces of worthless shit who do not know how to love another person and do not know how to care and be in a committed relationship.

That said, I understand why it sometimes happens. I also understand that in relationships both parties contribute to the good of it and the bad of it. In some cases as I’ve illustrated and my husband illustrated in his blog…people are driven away and make a bad situation worse by cheating. If you don’t want to be cheated on, you can try hard to avoid giving them a reason to betray you. It could still happen but if you want to be happy – treat your spouse like fine china. Because if you don’t, another man will…

In the real world, relationships are like business. Everybody is replaceable

What Do You Do When Someone Insults You?

There is no worse feeling in the world than having someone you care about take a very personal shot at you. Words hurt, that’s just a simple fact. If someone chooses to hurt you, it says plenty more about them than it does you. You may want to look at why you want someone in your life so willing to inflict pain. On the other hand, meaningless people try hard to hurt with words too but you can and should let those insults bounce off you and move on. People, no matter who they are, that need to insult you on such a deeply personal level do so because their self esteem is in the toilet. They see you and are SEETHING with envy and jealousy.

I had a fairly recent experience with a woman in her mid to late 30’s taking a shot at my age and my looks. I’ve actually never had any issues with my age nor my looks. I didn’t freak when I turned 30, I had a great 40th and as I tick down the next 3.5 years to 50…I feel absolutely fucking AWESOME about who I am, how I look and where I am in my life.  I’m sexy, fat, beautiful and loved.  I don’t need to tear anyone down and at this point in my life nobody can tear me down either. I also don’t need to take pictures at weird angles to hide my true self. I look at the camera dead on – that’s me in every picture I use as a background. I’m good with me. 😉

Don’t allow bitter and jealous people to tear you down. Recognize them for who and what they are – unhappy, insecure and unable to have a real connection with another person.  In short, miserable. Ignore the haters, don’t respond, don’t let it get into your head. Walk away or look at them and laugh. Seriously. I had some crazed woman call me fat and tell me that I should eat more salad and less cheeseburgers.  My response was simply:  “Bitch, I’m fine being fat and I fucking LOVE cheeseburgers. I’m good”.

As long as you are good with you, that is really all that matters.

Open Marriages…Why?

I’ve been reading a lot of blogs lately by loving and committed couples who have open marriages. I don’t get it, no, let me re-phrase that. I don’t understand. I’ve thought long and hard on it and while I do understand why some couples have open marriages, I don’t understand why any couple who is in love with their spouse would choose to be open.

I am not a closed-minded prude by any stretch and I’m not judging anyone’s choices but this one boggles the shit out of me. Again, I am referring to people who say they are in LOVE with their spouse. I can come up with a few scenarios that make sense as to why any couple would choose to open their marriage. The first being that one of the participants is a prolific cheater and despite that the couple wants to stay together for financial reasons or because of their children or because marriage is a commitment and they still love their spouse despite the bad choices . Then it would make sense to make things fair and allow both to have their cake and eat it too. Another reason may be that one of the participants can’t or won’t have sex and it’s not fair to deny their loving partner something as fundamentally necessary as sex.  Other than that, I’m kinda stumped.

Why would you be in a marriage with someone who can’t or won’t actually commit to you? Sex is such a deeply personal thing. For women more so than men, sex is a very emotional thing. We need to feel something besides lust to have sex or at least convince ourselves that we do. I’m sure plenty of women will say bullshit to that but I’m not saying all women. I’m saying for most women, there are always exceptions. I’m just really trying to understand why people choose this route.

If you feel like you need to sow your wild oats, then sow them before you make the commitment to marry. If you need to spice up your love life then try new things with your partner. It’s not like you can’t talk to your spouse because if you couldn’t then bringing up opening your marriage would not be on the table.  I’m really having a hard time understanding how anyone in a good and stable marriage could do this and it not negatively impact your commitment to each other.  How can it not drive a permanent wedge between you? Can you really be okay knowing that the person you love and married is fucking another person or multiple persons?

Help me out here, what am I missing?

 

 

 

How Do You Have Sex When You’re Fat?

Seriously, it’s not much different than having sex when you’re not fat. It’s mostly about approach, sometimes you need to make accommodations but really it’s a mindset more than anything.

You can’t enjoy sex if you’re mind isn’t in it. So, how can you get your mind in the right place? First, realize when someone wants to have sex with you, it’s because they want you. They know what you look like, you’re not fooling anyone into thinking you’re much thinner than you really are despite the girdles, Spanx, chronic sucking in of your gut…they know how you look and you look 1000 times better in their eyes than your own.  We magnify our flaws so we usually see ourselves in a worse light. I don’t know how many times I’ve pointed someone out to my husband and said, “I like her outfit and it looks good on her.  Since we are about the same size it should look good on me.” Only to have my husband tell me that I’m insane and that I see myself as much larger than reality. Not that it’s a big deal, I am comfy in my skin but it just proves that we all have a bit of body dysmorphia.

The bottom line is this, if someone wants to bang you, it’s because they are attracted to YOU. They want to see YOU NAKED. It’s a turn on not a turn off, stop hiding.

Depending on how big you are and how big your partner is, some positions won’t work without modification. No problem! Fucking modify that shit. There is a product on the market called the Liberator Wedge. I’ve not tried it but I might because it looks kinda awesome.  The most important thing about having sex while fat is that you ENJOY it.  I have a few rules that I have lived by and you should too regardless of your size.

  1. Don’t have sex with someone who puts you down
  2. Don’t have sex with someone ashamed to be in public with you
  3. Don’t have sex with someone who wants you to change who and what you are.
  4. Do have sex with the lights on and blankets off.
  5. Do wear sexy lingerie
  6. Do try new positions
  7. Do believe you’re sexy when someone tells you that you are
  8. Don’t dismiss or diminish compliments when given to you

This is a tip for FAs (Fat Admirers):

Don’t make it all about the fat

This is where a lot of fat admirers, whether they claim the identity or not, fuck up immediately. A lot of fat people, particularly fat women, have a hard time believing that someone could be sexually attracted to them. If someone comes along and is then only sexually attracted to their fat, well, it comes across as creepy. Coming across as creepy does not (except in some subcultures) generally result in you getting laid.

Being attracted to fat bodies is awesome. But if your lover thinks they are a stand in for just ANY OLD FAT BODY, that’s depersonalizing and not sexy (unless you’re both into that). Make it personal — if you love my fat belly, tell me you love MY fat belly and why.

Note: If you’re with a person because you love that person and you are not sure about their fat, that is a valid thing for you to feel. But it’s going to be tricky to navigate. Don’t be afraid of touching your fat lover’s body. Figure out what you love about the experience. Never, ever say, “I never thought I could enjoy sex with a fat person.”

The most important thing to remember about having sex when fat is to focus on what you’re feeling and not how you look. Nothing feels better than being loved and making love. Go with what’s happening and enjoy!

 

Happy Hump Day!