Tag Archive | fat chicks

The Dating Pool In Your 30’s and Beyond

We’ve all seen the memes. The girls have one for the guys and the guys have one for the girls. Just in case you haven’t seen them, take a look:

girls30s
And this one…
30's guys

I’m going to be brutally honest when I tell you that IF the dating pool hasn’t changed for you, then the pool isn’t the problem.

You are.

Terminally single people in their 30s and beyond have a problem, actually many problems, but the biggest problem is that they keep picking the same person over and over again hoping and/or expecting this one will be different. It’s not. If you burn your hand on something hot, you learn very quickly not to touch hot things. This is not the case, however, when it comes to dating. Here’s how it looks when you are a terminally single person: You choose wrong, you burn yourself, you choose wrong, you burn yourself, you choose wrong, you burn yourself, you choose wrong, you burn yourself, you choose wrong, you burn yourself and YOU LEARN NOTHING.

The dating pool isn’t a pool of shit, YOUR dating pool is a pool of shit because you’re standing in the same fucking pool you’ve been in since your 20’s. Nothing has changed because YOU haven’t changed and despite what you think — you haven’t grown. You can’t grow if you don’t learn from your mistakes and more importantly, you can’t learn from your mistakes if you don’t think you’ve made any.

Self-reflection or self-examination is a crucial skill to learn and employ. Self-examination means scrutiny of one’s own conduct, motives, desires, etc. If you can’t honestly assess yourself, you will NEVER grow as a person and if you don’t grow – you will keep dating in loserville.

You may now be wondering, what the fuck do I do? The first thing you should do is understand that every relationship is two people…unless you are poly-amorous. When two people are in a relationship then two people are to blame when shit goes wrong – just the same as two people are to be commended when things go right. So, when your relationship ended – it ended because you both fucked up. I know you know how THEY fucked up…but how did you contribute? Because you did. You absolutely fucked up too. Maybe you’re one of those people who thinks that jealousy = love, so you said or did things to make your partner jealous. Maybe you’re a bad listener, insecure, intolerant, hyper-critical, unrealistic, unforgiving or even a complete bitch. Take a look at all of your relationships – do you see any patterns in your behavior? The pattern you find is the very thing that is keeping you in the dating shit-pool.

Work on yourself and be more open to the possibilities – who knows you may find out that the dating pool in your 30s and beyond is really…

pictures-of-the-ocean-19

Thin Privilege

I read a great piece about the subject of Thin Privilege, a thing most people don’t realize even exists but as a fat chick I can say that it does and spells it out beautifully. Read this:

Is being fat really the worst thing a person can be? Is it worse than being a liar, a cheat, a gossip mongrel, a rapist, a sadist, an asshole, a horrible person, or a complete waste of a human life?

Sadly, the answer is yes. Yes, because we live in a society that looks down upon people, simply based on the amount of space they take. Never mind their intellect, their creativity, their sense of humor, their kindness, their compassion. We live in a society where a fat person is first, and foremost, fat. That is their premier identifier. And everything else they are, everything they want to be comes afterwards.

Once I realized this, I realized the following, as well:
1.) I am more privileged than I will ever know.
2.) My thinness has gotten me interviews over other women.
3.) My thinness has gotten me the attention of men.
4.) My thinness is equated to beauty.
5.) If my career goes down the drain, my family life falls apart, I end up with no friends, and my life spirals down to a complete fail, I will still be thin. And that will count for something.
6.) All of the above disgust me to no end.
7.) Just as a fat person is primarily identified by their fatness, a thin person is primarily identified by their thinness.

These are all valid points and I agree with her. I believe we live in a world with many different types of privilege but thin privilege is one that affect ALL of us without regard to race, religion, sex or socio-economic status. We all experience it and nobody pays attention to it because society has deemed fat people as unhealthy, unattractive and unwelcome. We’re fine with that because we all hate fat people, we hate them even more than we hate smokers!

Even fat people engage in it. How many times have you, as a fat person, seen another fat person and felt BETTER when you realized you were thinner? How many times have you been pissed when you got dumped for someone fatter than you? It’s really hypocritical but we’ve all done it.

There are many thin women who wonder how in the Hell do us fat chicks get men?. And further, how in the Hell can the man you loved leave you or cheat on you with a woman not as hot as you (i.e. fatter)? You struggle to understand why and how this happens. I’ll fill you in.

Because most of you have benefited from the privileges of thinness, you’ve never had to try hard to get a man. Getting a man is easy, keeping him gets trickier.  Being thin and presumed pretty means you didn’t have to be interesting, funny or even nice. Privileged people assume the world is their oyster because it often is but not when it comes to relationships. Eventually, the shallowness of your relationship will wean and there has to be something more that you have to offer than being thin/pretty and if you don’t have anything, you’ll lose that man you didn’t even break a sweat winning. Fat girls have to try harder, work harder, be more than just fat to win a man. We have to be funny, nice, interesting, pretty helps but not all of us are and when we’re fat pretty isn’t assumed like it is when you’re thin. Basically, fat chicks have to rock their personalities and if they do…the men, even the ones who say they don’t like fat girls, start to get won over. A great personality makes people more attractive. Did you ever notice that someone that you didn’t think was that hot suddenly starts getting hotter the more you get to know and like them? Yeah…that’s how we do it. That’s how us fat chicks get men away from the thin/pretty privileged girls and that’s how we keep them. We didn’t get them because our bodies were perfect, we got them because we worked hard to get them, we work hard to keep them and we make them feel loved and appreciated. We don’t treat men like they are lucky to stand next to us, we treat them like we are lucky and proud to be with them. We make men feel like men and we swallow. Swallowing is good. 😉 We don’t have the self confidence of thin women because we know we are looked down upon. Imagine what would happen if we had the same playing field?

That’s the point of my blog. Big Girls are never gonna have an even playing field but we should at least know that men do like us. Men choose us over thin women all the time. What we should all stop doing though is hating on each other and perpetuating the privilege that already exists. There is nothing wrong with being fat, if you are happy and comfortable in your skin and there is nothing wrong with being thin or wanting to be thin. There’s also nothing special about being either fat or thin. What counts, in the end, is being happy with who and what you are and being the best you that you can be. Self confidence is the best outfit in town but if you want a relationship you have to do more and be more than a pretty picture – regardless of size.

So, the next time you get dumped by a man who is with a “fat” girl, don’t ask yourself what the fuck is wrong with him. Ask yourself what the fuck did you have to offer him besides a pretty package?

Think about that for a bit…and let me know what you think.

 

 

 

 

Going “Downtown”! The Big Girl’s Guide To Oral Sex

Yes…Oh God, yes!!!! Who does not like oral sex? If you are reading this and thinking “I don’t”, my question would be why the heck not? Seriously, Big Girls, having your partner spend some quality time in your lady bits with his tongue and fingers can be heaven, if they know what they’re doing. You need to allow yourself to enjoy it and that isn’t always easy, especially for a Big Girl. On the other hand, maybe they don’t know what they’re about down there…what then? That’s what I’m covering today… two topics in the area of going downtown. How to both enjoy oral and what to do if they don’t know how to get you off.

How can I sit back or lay back and enjoy a trip downtown?

When you can’t relax and enjoy sex be it oral or otherwise, it’s usually because of some hang ups. What hang ups can a Big Girl have when it comes to oral?

Being on display:

Spread out and naked can make a Big Girl with some confidence issues really uncomfortable. Two things to keep in mind when a man wants to do this is that HE WANTS TO DO THIS TO YOU. That means: you turn him on and more specifically YOUR BODY TURNS HIM ON. He wants to look, he wants to taste and he wants to please you.  Say that to yourself a few times and get used to the idea. Men are very visual and if a man has chosen a Big Girl, it’s because he is attracted to her body. Let him look, touch and taste it. There is no better feeling in the world than having your partner show you how sexy you are to them. Let him!

Smell:

Every human on the planet has a unique scent and that includes your lady bits. It’s a natural pheromone and unless there is something wrong or you haven’t bathed, it’s a good thing.  If your man wants to go downtown and you are not just stepping out of a shower, then take a moment to freshen up a bit. Sweat and bodily functions can give your natural scent an unwanted kick, you do not want your lover to get a nose full of that. Grab some baby wipes or female fresh wipes and give yourself a quick swipe. If you have an infection or you smell fishy…no go. Take care of your health, keep that vag squeaky clean and it’s a go.

You just can’t cum that way:

Unless there is something really wrong and I mean structurally non-functional and you just don’t ever orgasm, even when masturbating… you can cum that way.  If you have never done so, there are likely two causes. The first being something I mentioned above was in your head and you couldn’t relax and simply enjoy the act. You should have nothing in your head besides the moment and what you are feeling. Negative thoughts will freeze you and prevent you from enjoying sex, in general. The other is my next topic, so keep reading. 😉

What can I do if he doesn’t know how to eat my pussy?

Teach him. You’ve got all your demons under control and you want him to give you oral. He does and nothing, nada, nyet. He can’t seem to find your clit any better than Mr. Magoo in the dark. Now what? You don’t want to hurt his feelings, so you say nothing and maybe even give him a sympathy moan.

DON’T DO THAT!

The whole reason his face is down there lapping up your snatch is because he wants to please you, make you cum and get you ready for his entry. Or he wants you to reciprocate. Either way you are doing both yourself and him a disservice by not helping him out. You can do it two ways, first you can verbally call out directions. That can be hot, dirty talk and really enhance the experience as well as helping him, help you, cum like a geyser. Example: Lower baby, higher, yes, there, don’t stop, harder, put two fingers inside me, faster, etc. You get the picture.  The other way is to move your ass where you need it to be. Literally grind yourself on his face. Is he just a pinch too low, tilt your pelvis so your clit hits his tongue and then grab his head and hold him there.  Gently use your thighs and knees to keep him in place and then move your pelvis up or down as needed. You’ll be moaning for real in no time flat and he will get harder than Stonehenge by your responses to his efforts.

So, that’s it for now. Next I’ll tell you how to suck the chrome off his hood like a pro. I mean, sex is a two way street and if you want him to pleasure your bits with oral, you should always try and return the favor. 😉

 

 

Update:

What do you do if he doesn’t want to go there? Ask him why. It is either because he’s not sure what to do or your pussy looks like a jungle. If he won’t give you a direct answer, it’s likely that the unkempt nature of your nether region is putting him off. Rare since most of us trim the trim but if you are going natural, you may want to invest in a bikini wax or a good razor and landscape that area. It’s not sexy to gag on hair, don’t waste an opportunity by not keeping things tidy. 😉

 

Why So Much Sex?

Someone asked me why I talk about sex so much.  I had about a half dozen answers that popped in my head before I responded. These are those thoughts:

  1. Because I like to have sex
  2. Because most people like to have sex
  3. Because I’m a grown woman and I can talk about what I want
  4. Because sharing recipes is for Pinterest and Facebook
  5. I really, really like sex (sorry sex on the brain)
  6. Why shouldn’t I?

The reason I talk about sex so much is because as a woman who has been a BBW for most of her adult life, I’ve struggled with wanting sex and not believing anyone would want to have sex with me. Low self esteem is a killer for BBWs and SSBBWs and many of us miss opportunity after sexy opportunity to get laid because of it. I want to help other women change that so they can enjoy a wonderful and healthy sex life.  One way to do that is to blog about sex and things you can do to improve your sex life.

It’s no fun being the girl that guys say they will fuck because there are no other options in the bar that night. Don’t believe you deserve to be THAT girl. Low self esteem allows these losers to prey on women and those women think that’s all they’re going to get so they allow themselves to be used as a last minute one night stand.  I want Big Girls to know and believe that they are beautiful, sexy women and that men do want them and would be proud to be seen with them.

The best way for me to get the message out is to talk about my life, my past and my present. My present includes a lot of sex because I found a man that loves me and finds me to be both beautiful and sexy. He adores my body… my big, curvy and yes, fat… body. How can I make it clear to other women like me, if I don’t talk about it? People can say whatever platitudes they want but I have experience and that experience is what gives hope.  I mean who would you rather take advice from: the chick who tells you that you’d be so pretty if or the fat chick who gets laid 3 times a day by her sexy husband and tells you that YOU ARE ALREADY HOT and men want you?

I didn’t have anyone tell me that there were men who loved big, curvy women 20+ years ago when I needed to hear it. There also weren’t as many guys who admitted it as freely as they do now…because society shamed them too.

That’s why I talk about sex and those other reasons I listed.  Sex is great and we need to shed the shame and enjoy it!