Tag Archive | curvy

Sex Mistakes Women Make: The Beginning

A while back I wrote a couple of pieces on the mistakes that men make during sex with women. Now I want to cover mistakes that women make when fucking men. What? Women make mistakes? That’s crazy talk right? I mean what could we possibly do wrong? Plenty. I’m only going to cover three of the biggiest.

Mistake #1 – Initiating sex

You don’t do it. You simply don’t initiate any action at all. You wait until he wants it and if he doesn’t want it when you do – you get upset. Unless you’re dating a psychic, he’s not a fucking mind reader. You need to be a less passive partner. Men like to know they are desired by you as much as you like knowing you’re wanted by them. Despite the bravado, which is often a front – men can be a bit insecure as well. Let them know you want to fuck their brains out and it will make sex hotter for both of you.

Now you’re thinking…great how do I do that?

Use your words, your eyes, your body and leave the mind reading for the shysters.  Tell your man you want him in his hear or text him while he’s in the room with you, show him by talking dirty and caressing him thru his pants. I send dirty stories starring me to my man to get him heated up while he’s working. Then I’d text him naked pics of myself so he’d be hot and ready to go by the time he got home from work. Plenty of times “Hi honey, I’m home” didn’t get said until after he blew a load. sexting-3_0.png

Whatever it is – the key is to DO SOMETHING. If you are at home you can show him by avoiding Mistake #2.

Mistake #2 – Hiding Your Body

Men are visual – much more than women. So the thing that you should absolutely be doing is GETTING NAKED in front of your man. Stop focusing on all your flaws real or imagined  and try really hard to remember one very important thing. The man you are hiding your body from wants to fuck your brains out. That means he’s hot for you and your body. Nothing will get a man harder than actually seeing what you are covering up. So seriously…stop doing that!!! Show him the goods. Flaunt your body. Undress slowly. You can initiate sex by simply disrobing in front of him while staring into his eyes and smiling. Fuck him with the lights on and stop telling him all the reasons you are not hot. It’s a turn off. Shut your mouth, peel off your clothes, walk over to him and kiss him. He’ll take it from there.

Mistake #3 – Experimentation Vapors

You’ve been together for a while and your honey says to you – let’s try something new. You are not under any obligation to say yes, especially if what he’s suggesting turns you off. But you don’t need to freak out and start a fight over it either. Also, suggesting something new isn’t an insult to you, so don’t take it that way. It’s actually a compliment. It means that he feels comfortable enough with you and your relationship, that he’s willing to open up about other things that turn him on. Again, you are under no obligation to try it but you definitely should consider it unless it sounds super painful or the idea completely turns you off.  Relationships are a two-way street – and if you want him to do for you, you should be willing to do for him too.

The most important thing to remember is not to make him feel bad about opening up to you.  If you do, he’ll stop opening up and your relationship will eventually fizzle.

So there you have it some of the biggest mistakes women make with men in the bedroom.

Arousal for women begins in the brain but for men it begins with the eyes… they are more visual than women. It doesn’t make them less than us, it makes them different. So our approach to satisfying a man has to be different than their approach to satisfying us.

Hopefully you all understand how to start the process and now understand that for men, sex does not start in the bedroom, it starts wherever you  initiate it. A man will fuck you up against a brick wall if you let him….so tell him that you want him to do just that !

 

You’d Be So Pretty If…

“You’d be so pretty if you lost some weight” … I can’t tell you how many times I heard that one while growing up. So I’d like to dedicate this piece to all those “helpful” souls who offer this advice to their chubby friend/sister/daughter/cousin/co-worker/whoever.

Telling us we’d “be so pretty if …” is NOT FUCKING HELPFUL! What you’re really saying is that we’re NOT pretty. You’re telling us that our worth is based only upon our weight, and we’re NOTHING unless we conform to what YOU believe is “normal.” In other words, you’re NOT helping, not one bit.

You’re NOT the first person to tell us that we’re fat. WE ALREADY KNOW! All you’re doing is killing what little self-esteem we have. If we’re foolish enough to listen to your “advice,” we’ll be allowing you to treat us like shit because we think that we deserve it. We’ll also end up fatter, lonelier, and more depressed, causing us to take stupid health risks and have risky sex in order to regain some semblance of our shredded self-esteem. News flash: being fat does NOT mean we deserve ANY of this!

I listened to this advice and it fucked my mind up something fierce. I thought of myself as something less than human, unworthy and unlovable. I blamed my weight for everything that went wrong or didn’t happen as I wished because I never thought there was any other reason. This made me close myself off from people, causing me to be unapproachable. Assuming no man would find me attractive, I used humor as a shield from their perceived rejection. This caused men to view me as aloof, and THAT was why they didn’t approach me!

As I got older, I continued to blame my unhappiness on my weight, even though it was never the problem. I put damn near every man that was interested in me in the friend zone because I did not believe they saw me as worthy. My self-loathing was boyfriend Kryptonite and I became very cavalier about men. I never gave any man more than two dates … often less. Sometimes I just randomly made out with guys at bars, took their numbers and didn’t call. I was afraid of being hurt, so I gave no one a chance, and I used them so they wouldn’t use me.

I eventually decided I should marry because I did want a family. Naturally, I chose someone who found my weight to be a problem. I’m not going to bash my ex-husband because we have two sons together and are on good terms. Really, my own belief that I was less than is what led me to choose that path. I think on some level I did this because I figured that would motivate me to finally be thin. It didn’t. You should not ever be with anyone who doesn’t think you are all that and then some; it’s a dumb thing to do. He should have chosen someone else, and I should have too.

Considering all the mistakes I made, here’s some advice that will actually help my fellow big girls: Be yourself. Love yourself. Tell yourself daily that you are awesome, beautiful, and sexy and eventually, you’ll start to believe it. It took me 40 years and plenty of tears to realize what I should have always known – that I’m beautiful, sexy and a damn good catch – and I write this with the hope that I can reach someone and help them get their self-esteem sooner rather than later.

Just remember, you’ll be so pretty if … you ignore the opinions of others and simply believe it’s true!

 

 

 

How Do You Find A Mate?

 

Manhunting tips …or better yet let’s say Mate hunting.

“Dear Queen of All Evil,

That was fun to type. LOL How can I find a guy? I’m a big girl, like a really big girl, I make you look like a small girl. I want a normal guy not one of those guys whose into fat women, you know? How do I get a regular hot guy?”

 

Wow, where do I begin? I guess I should start by saying that you, in typical womanly fashion, are asking for the impossible. (Men do it too and it’s fucking annoying) You want a man but you don’t want the type of man that would find you attractive. Why? Don’t you shit on yourself enough? You want a guy to help you out? This makes ABSOLUTELY NO SENSE. That’s like a Gay man saying he wants to find love but not with a Gay man…a straight one.

What’s the point?!?!?!?!?!?  Why do we do this to ourselves?  Why desire someone that will not desire you back? My guess is that you are either not ready for love or believe you don’t deserve it. Either way, it amounts to the same thing – you aren’t emotionally ready to find someone. If you think I’m wrong, keep reading. For the record, you also obviously don’t know how it feels to make love with (or just fuck) someone that will worship your body and that is not something that will happen with a man who isn’t “into” curves. Trust me, honey…you want a man who likes your body.

Men, like women, come in all shapes, sizes, levels of hotness, and most importantly what they desire varies. There is no stereotypical “chubby chaser”. In fact, in most polls, men prefer curvy women to thin women across the board.  One man’s “2” is another man’s “10”; so do not assume you’re too fat or too anything for anyone.

Now there are many ways to go about finding someone but you must not only want to find someone but your behavior has to match your desire. Have the right attitude, put positive energy out, be honest about who you are and what you want and be open to believing that you are desirable.

The first step to believing you are desirable is to ALWAYS put your best self out there. Shower, make up, hair, good scent and clothes that fit and flatter. Play up your best features, if you aren’t sure which are best…ask a friend.

Attitude will chase away the most ardent suitor. What do I mean? Do you have a friend that is a Debbie Downer? How long can you be around that person before you want to slit your wrists? What about the person that believes they are so amazing and perfect? How long before you want to punch them in the throat and stuff them full of high fat foods? If that shit annoys you, like it does me, then don’t do it to potential mates. It’s not cute to dismiss compliments with a wave and a “oh I’m not (insert compliment here)…I’m so fat/dumb/plain/ugly” If someone tells you something sweet, don’t call them a liar – smile and say THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

When you go out either alone or with friends be open to meeting people.  That means smile, give eye contact and be approachable.  Don’t go out with a large group of friends if you are looking to meet someone. Limit to one or two girlfriends and periodically step away from them to allow anyone interested in you a chance to approach.  A guy/girl won’t feel comfortable making an approach if you are surrounded by a gaggle of women or worse a mix of women and men.

If you decide to try dating sites, which are great if you’re busy or shy, be HONEST. Use current pictures and don’t do the “super high pointing down angle” selfie shot like many fat girls on FB use. That is not going to be the person a potential date will meet…use good but honest photos. It’s never a good thing to start a relationship off with a lie…

My husband has a FB “friend” that does this and it’s pretty laughable. Her pictures all suggest that she should be a small girl but in person she’s probably pushing 300 lbs. There is NOTHING more dishonest than that. Use good angles but not to the point that you are actually dishonest about what you really look like.  The wallpaper I use on this blog is actually me. I took that selfie a month ago. I used a good angle but I included enough of my body that you can clearly see I am curvy/thick.

Believe that you are desirable. Tell yourself everyday that you are hot and sexy, once you believe it, others will see it too.

Be honest with yourself and others about what you want and go after it. I’m pretty sure that is self explanatory. Really important note, don’t judge others by some weird checklist. Be open-minded with everyone you meet. You can’t turn an enchilada into an Administrative Assistant and you can’t turn a black-hearted, bitter Narcissist into the perfect romantic partner. Be realistic.  Never, ever settle. Date as many people as you can so you can be certain you found the best person for you and not the “best you could get because you’re fat”.

Here are some dating sites for Big Girls:

BBW Cupid

BB People Meet

Large and Lovely Connections

The Big and The Beautiful

 

Happy Hunting!!!!!

 

Be Fierce

I’m sitting here digesting my yummy breakfast and I’m thinking what should I post on my blog.  It’s getting hot, the kids are ready to swim and I remember…the big girl in the swimsuit I wanted to link that.  Her name is Jenny Trout and she said something that is the running theme of my blog and my life:

“The reason these people do not want to see a fat body in a bikini is because traditionally, that garment is something a woman earns by proving herself attractive enough to exist. If fat women begin wearing them without shame or fear, what’s next? Will they have self-esteem? Will they demand respect? Then what will keep them in their proper place? How would conventionally attractive people judge them?

As a society, we need to be more honest in our discussions of other’s bodies. If we can’t avoid those totally unnecessary conversations, then we should at least admit the truth to ourselves: That this has nothing to do with health, and everything to do with the control we believe is our right to exert over others.”

She’s totally right and it’s why I started The Big Girls’ Guide by telling society to go fuck themselves. Big Girls are no longer going to sit in the back in our over-sized clothes hoping to go unnoticed and by unnoticed I mean mocked and shamed for being big girls. We are done with that shit. We are big beautiful women and we are gonna step up and take our place right next to everyone else. We are gonna wear what we want, be sexy, have sex with the lights on and eat real meals with dessert, if we choose to do so. You can shove your shaming tactics up your ass.

So, in case you missed it, read this: I wore a Bikini and Nothing Happened.

 

 

Can a Big Girl Be Sexy?

First off, we should talk about what sexy is and what it isn’t.  Things can be called sexy and none of them have anything to do with sex, a good example of this is cars.  Things can have an appeal but unless you have a fetish for those things…they are NOT actually sexy. We just broaden the term to mean appealing but sexy is more about sex and desiring sex than just appealing. A juicy hamburger appeals to me when I’m hungry, I have no interest in fucking it. So, while we refer to “things” as sexy, they really are not.

Sexy is a mindset, it’s that certain something that makes people think about and want sex.  Most of us think that sexy is the perfect body. A great body is definitely helpful but what most people don’t realize is that we all have different ideas about what that perfection actually is. Everyone assumes it’s what we see on T.V. and magazines but I’m here to tell you…that’s bullshit.

We all have certain innate things that we find attractive but that is not the whole of it.  The biggest driving force behind being sexy is not the single digit size tag from your favorite designer; it’s self confidence.

That’s right! There is simply NOTHING sexier than believing that you’re sexy. Not in an arrogant or stuck up way but just saying to yourself that you are totally hot and presenting that image to the world. Stop buying clothes that are too big to hide your body, get your hair done, do your make up, use sexy scents. Face the world looking and smelling the best you can every single day.  Don’t be ashamed of your curves, embrace your hotness. If you have a big rear end, don’t buy clothes to minimize it show it off. Big boobs? Low cut shirts and push up bras. Do you know how many people pay good money to have a bigger butt or bigger boobs? If you got it….FLAUNT IT!!!

Stop looking at your body and finding imperfections. One person’s imperfection is another person’s sexy playground…

 

How Do You Have Sex?

Starting out with a bang…literally!

First the question: “I’m not sure how to put this so I guess I’ll just be blunt. My boyfriend wants sex and I don’t feel sexy because I’m much heavier than I used to be. We’ve been dating a short time and I’m really just scared he’ll see my body and dump me. Is it okay to have sex with my nightie on and lights off? How can I hide my fat and still enjoy it? HELP!!!!!!”

The answer:

Is it okay to have sex with the lights off and your nightie on? Sure, if it’s the middle of the night and your man rolls over on you with a boner. Outside of that, I don’t recommend it. This is something all of us Big Girls go through, the inability to connect the dots and I was the same way.

Allow me to connect the dots. You say you have only been dating your boyfriend a short time, which means you were a Big Girl when he met you. He wants to bang you, which means he’s attracted to you. Unless you’re a mistress of illusion, he not only knows you’re a Big Girl but he likes that you are a thick and curvy lady. Whether or not you think you’re sexy, know this…your man does. Capisce?

Men are visual. They need and want to look at you, it adds to the excitement. So, that means lights on and nekkid! Now, if you just can’t do that and be comfortable, then try sexy lingerie.  When you see his eyes glaze over with excitement your confidence will rise faster than his manhood. Go with it and enjoy the experience. If he starts removing your lingerie, don’t stop him. Let him look, let him show you how sexy you are to him.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

How Do You…?

I am going to do a series of posts called “How Do You…?” These posts are going to be answering direct questions from Big Girls all over. So, if you want any specific question answered you can email me directly at: rosie(dot)ribner(at)gmail(dot)com or hit me up on FB or even Twitter (@QueenofAllEvil).

Nothing is taboo and all answers will be detailed. Your name will be kept confidential. The goal here is to help as many Big Girls as I can, as we all share many of the same insecurities.