Tag Archive | chubby

The Dating Pool In Your 30’s and Beyond

We’ve all seen the memes. The girls have one for the guys and the guys have one for the girls. Just in case you haven’t seen them, take a look:

girls30s
And this one…
30's guys

I’m going to be brutally honest when I tell you that IF the dating pool hasn’t changed for you, then the pool isn’t the problem.

You are.

Terminally single people in their 30s and beyond have a problem, actually many problems, but the biggest problem is that they keep picking the same person over and over again hoping and/or expecting this one will be different. It’s not. If you burn your hand on something hot, you learn very quickly not to touch hot things. This is not the case, however, when it comes to dating. Here’s how it looks when you are a terminally single person: You choose wrong, you burn yourself, you choose wrong, you burn yourself, you choose wrong, you burn yourself, you choose wrong, you burn yourself, you choose wrong, you burn yourself and YOU LEARN NOTHING.

The dating pool isn’t a pool of shit, YOUR dating pool is a pool of shit because you’re standing in the same fucking pool you’ve been in since your 20’s. Nothing has changed because YOU haven’t changed and despite what you think — you haven’t grown. You can’t grow if you don’t learn from your mistakes and more importantly, you can’t learn from your mistakes if you don’t think you’ve made any.

Self-reflection or self-examination is a crucial skill to learn and employ. Self-examination means scrutiny of one’s own conduct, motives, desires, etc. If you can’t honestly assess yourself, you will NEVER grow as a person and if you don’t grow – you will keep dating in loserville.

You may now be wondering, what the fuck do I do? The first thing you should do is understand that every relationship is two people…unless you are poly-amorous. When two people are in a relationship then two people are to blame when shit goes wrong – just the same as two people are to be commended when things go right. So, when your relationship ended – it ended because you both fucked up. I know you know how THEY fucked up…but how did you contribute? Because you did. You absolutely fucked up too. Maybe you’re one of those people who thinks that jealousy = love, so you said or did things to make your partner jealous. Maybe you’re a bad listener, insecure, intolerant, hyper-critical, unrealistic, unforgiving or even a complete bitch. Take a look at all of your relationships – do you see any patterns in your behavior? The pattern you find is the very thing that is keeping you in the dating shit-pool.

Work on yourself and be more open to the possibilities – who knows you may find out that the dating pool in your 30s and beyond is really…

pictures-of-the-ocean-19

Feds Wonder Why Fat Girls Can’t Get Dates

The NIH was awarded nearly a half a million dollars in grant money to find out why Fat Girls date less and have more risky sexual behavior than their thinner counterparts.

The National Institutes of Health (NIH) awarded a $466,642 grant last week for the study, which will examine whether social skills have an impact on why obese girls have fewer dating experiences than their less obese counterparts.

“Mounting evidence demonstrates that weight influences intimate (i.e., dating and sexual) relationship formation and sexual negotiations among adolescent girls,” the grant’s abstract states. “Obese girls consistently report having fewer dating and sexual experiences, but more sexual risk behaviors (i.e., condom nonuse) once they are sexually active.”

Are you fucking serious? I’ll tell you for free and I don’t need to take a survey or conduct a study. YES, being fat fucks with your social skills and self confidence. Society at large tells us that fat people are fucking worthless, so, yeah that’s gonna have an impact on the little things like self esteem. A lack of self confidence will affect a person’s social skills making it harder to approach someone or allow someone to approach you.  Guys that are the “pick up artist” type prey on women with self esteem issues and fat girls are at the top of that list. Desperation to be accepted and loved makes these chubby chicks sexually reckless.

There it is in a nutshell. Total cost to the Fed Govt – $0.00. Now go cure Cancer, fund Autism research…do something more than waste money on studies that won’t affect a damn thing. You can’t force people to be nice, you can’t force people to stop Fat Shaming and you can’t force people to be self confident.  Let those of us who know how it feels, help those of us in need…

/Rant

 

Don’t Get Stuck On An Adjective…

You are more than just your outward appearance, more than just a physical description of your outer shell and that is all an adjective is…

My blog is written for Big Girls because that is what I am and have always been but most of what I say can be useful to anyone. No matter what you look like on the outside, be it fat, thin, chubby, medium, blond, brunette, redhead, tall, short, average…African-American, White or Latina; we all have insecurities to tackle and that is the driving force behind every post on this blog. The adjectives I use are irrelevant, so don’t get hung up on them.

The best thing you can do for yourself is to accept WHO you are and go from there, especially if you can’t change it.

Can a Big Girl lose the weight? Absolutely. Can you change your hair color? Sure. Can you change your race? Not bloody likely and I’ll be honest, while a big girl CAN lose weight it’s nearly as hard to do that and keep it off as it is to change your ethnicity.  It’s simply much easier to change your attitude and perception and that is my ultimate goal. Love yourself for who and what you are and you will then allow others to love you too.

Yesterday, my husband wrote How to Date a Fat Admirer. In it he gave a short list of rules you should follow to be successful in the realm of love.  As I suspected, there were some readers that took exception to his use of the adjective “fat” to describe the women he was speaking too. The title was self-explanatory, he is and always has been a man who finds BBWs sexy. He’s dated all kinds of women, all shapes and sizes but at the end of the day his preference has always leaned heavily (pun intended) towards us curvy, fat chicks. It’s what he likes and he is not ashamed of it. I certainly appreciate the Hell out it, I’ll tell you that. There has been nothing more refreshing and amazing than being with a man, who, loves the one thing about you that you’ve been told your entire life has made you UNWORTHY of love.

His biggest struggle with dating and loving BBWs is that some of them have made him feel like there was something WRONG with him for being attracted to THEM! Does that sound rational? It isn’t but that’s what happens when years of self-loathing meet up with genuine attraction. It’s like the Clash of the fucking Titans. You want to be loved for who you are and when you meet someone willing to do exactly that – YOU SHAME HIM FOR IT.

I get it. You want to be loved for your mind and not just as a sex object. What makes you so fucking special and different than every other person on the planet? 😉 Human beings start off most relationships the same way – mutual attraction. Seriously, it took me nearly 10 years to realize Brad Pitt could really act…I’d never noticed that before. Sorry Brad, your hotness is distracting.

The reality is that you want to be loved ONLY for who you are on the inside because you’ve been told over and over that who you are on the outside is not worthy of being loved. So, naturally, if you meet someone, who, finds you attractive and sexy…there must be something wrong with them. There isn’t anything wrong with them, they just know what they like and they are confident in that knowledge. Don’t make them feel the same thing you’ve been made to feel your entire life…ashamed for who they are.

Love yourself, accept yourself, change what you don’t like but start with the shit on the inside because being fat is not your problem…it’s a symptom.

Self-loathing is your problem. Fix that and then you’ll know that you are worthy of love and you’ll stop driving people away. Oh and for fuck’s sake – make love with the lights on, your clothes and blankets off!!! How do you expect to achieve all FOUR types of female orgasm if your partner can’t see anything or access anything besides your damn pussy. By God, he won’t be able to eat you out properly, if he can’t see what he’s about! 😉

Think about it…

I Am Not A Fetish

I am a woman, I am a sexual being and I am a curvy BBW. The books will say that anyone who finds me attractive is perverse and has a “fetish” because I do not conform to the “societal norm of attractiveness”. Here’s what I say on that, when more than 2/3rds of Adult Americans over age 20 are considered overweight and more than 1/3rd are flat out obese, maybe it’s time to reconsider what may be the “societal norm of attractiveness”.

I’ve always been a big girl and I’ve never had a problem attracting men. I may have just been super lucky in finding a shit ton of fat fetishists but I doubt that.  I suspect that it’s been more often the case that men have picked me not because of my thickness but many times despite it. Self confidence is usually the driving force behind attraction. While there are definitely men who find fat sexy, why is that any different than men being “boob men”, “ass men” or lovers of blondes, brunettes or redheads? It’s not, it’s a preference. Calling sexual attraction to curvy/thick/fat/large women a fetish is simply another way for society to ostracize and shame people. If you think I’m hot, you’re a fucked up pervert. Nice, right?

Fuck you, society and all you judgmental psychologists. Sexual attraction to inanimate objects is one thing but to another human being? What the fuck ever!

My husband may be a bit of a pervert (and I thank the good Lord for it daily!!) but it’s not because I’m a big girl, it’s because I’m a sexy bitch and he’s damn creative! Woot! Woot!

So, in closing let me just say that sexual attraction between humans varies and as long as it’s all consensual, there isn’t a damn thing wrong with any of it. Trying to suggest that someone is abnormal for having a healthy sexual appetite is a form of shaming the world can do without.