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The Dating Pool In Your 30’s and Beyond

We’ve all seen the memes. The girls have one for the guys and the guys have one for the girls. Just in case you haven’t seen them, take a look:

girls30s
And this one…
30's guys

I’m going to be brutally honest when I tell you that IF the dating pool hasn’t changed for you, then the pool isn’t the problem.

You are.

Terminally single people in their 30s and beyond have a problem, actually many problems, but the biggest problem is that they keep picking the same person over and over again hoping and/or expecting this one will be different. It’s not. If you burn your hand on something hot, you learn very quickly not to touch hot things. This is not the case, however, when it comes to dating. Here’s how it looks when you are a terminally single person: You choose wrong, you burn yourself, you choose wrong, you burn yourself, you choose wrong, you burn yourself, you choose wrong, you burn yourself, you choose wrong, you burn yourself and YOU LEARN NOTHING.

The dating pool isn’t a pool of shit, YOUR dating pool is a pool of shit because you’re standing in the same fucking pool you’ve been in since your 20’s. Nothing has changed because YOU haven’t changed and despite what you think — you haven’t grown. You can’t grow if you don’t learn from your mistakes and more importantly, you can’t learn from your mistakes if you don’t think you’ve made any.

Self-reflection or self-examination is a crucial skill to learn and employ. Self-examination means scrutiny of one’s own conduct, motives, desires, etc. If you can’t honestly assess yourself, you will NEVER grow as a person and if you don’t grow – you will keep dating in loserville.

You may now be wondering, what the fuck do I do? The first thing you should do is understand that every relationship is two people…unless you are poly-amorous. When two people are in a relationship then two people are to blame when shit goes wrong – just the same as two people are to be commended when things go right. So, when your relationship ended – it ended because you both fucked up. I know you know how THEY fucked up…but how did you contribute? Because you did. You absolutely fucked up too. Maybe you’re one of those people who thinks that jealousy = love, so you said or did things to make your partner jealous. Maybe you’re a bad listener, insecure, intolerant, hyper-critical, unrealistic, unforgiving or even a complete bitch. Take a look at all of your relationships – do you see any patterns in your behavior? The pattern you find is the very thing that is keeping you in the dating shit-pool.

Work on yourself and be more open to the possibilities – who knows you may find out that the dating pool in your 30s and beyond is really…

pictures-of-the-ocean-19

Why Fat Shamers Are Delusional

The Fat Shamers are out en masse in 2016. They tell themselves and everyone who might listen that they are doing it for the good of all us poor, sad fatties! We need help, they tell themselves because we are too stupid to understand how fat and disgraceful we are. We’re saving their lives! Obviously, they don’t know they’re fat – and they’re too stupid to read a scale, watch tv or listen to their doctors…so we’ll shame them into fitness!

News Flash Assholes: Shaming people rarely has a positive effect, you’re not saving anyone’s life by ridiculing them – you’re more likely driving them to eat and actually gaining more weight. You want to Fat Shame someone? Fine! Own it but don’t try and convince anyone else that you are doing it for a greater good. You’re doing to feel morally superior and because you enjoy hurting people, especially weak people, not helping them. You obviously have some major insecurities causing you to seek redress with someone you feel is more deserving of ridicule…more deserving than you.

I have heard some of the stupidest reasoning behind fat shaming. My favorite was that the Fat Acceptance movement is somehow requiring/demanding that men change their innate desire and find fat women hot. Wow…you really think our big, fat bodies could actually make that leap?

You are D-E-L-U-S-I-O-N-A-L!

Fat Acceptance is first and foremost about people ACCEPTING and LOVING themselves for who and what they are. How insanely criminal, right? Secondly, it’s about allowing us to live our life how we choose to live it — without ridicule.

It isn’t about you fat shaming assholes at all, I mean, it’s not a miracle movement. It most certainly isn’t a movement that is demanding that anyone actually change what they find sexually appealing. We actually need very little help in that regard. There are more than enough people (men and women) who actually find thick, chubby and fat sexy. You don’t and we’re fine with that. I don’t find insecure little assholes sexually attractive either – so it’s a win-win, as they say.

In closing, I would just like to say that this is a big world and we should all be able to live in peacefully and we should all be treated with respect. If you want to be a fat shaming asshole, be the best fat shaming asshole in the world…I support you! But don’t be a liar. Don’t lie to yourself or try lying to the rest of us about why you do it…because we know why and it’s not about being helpful. It’s because you’re an insecure person who thinks that self-confidence comes from bloviation and bluster. It doesn’t, you know…you have to find that inside yourself.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Tales Of Candy Gazelle (A Series)

???????????????????????????????????????????????????Candy Gazelle is the kind of girl that no girl wants to be…in short she’s a pathetic, hateful, twit who is lacking both morals and self esteem.  She masquerades as something bigger and more awesome but she’s a soulless person who uses whatever and whomever she can to inflate her false self because she’s fears her true self.

Candy is an innovator, an entrepreneur, a great business woman, she’s the greatest thing to happen to cosmetics since Coco Chanel…just ask her and that’s what she’ll tell you. Candy Gazelle is basically an Avon Lady using off market products. She goes door to door selling and applying her make up and giving out tips to all who call but it’s not too many people because she only works 10 hours a week. Don’t tell that to real entrepreneurs, they’d scoff at her laziness…poor Coco would roll over in her grave!

Candy is fat and very proud, she thinks that shows how confident she is and if she was just a proud fat girl, it would. Unfortunately, Candy feels it’s necessary to tear down others even when they help prevent Candy’s clients from looking like hookers (Candy’s still learning her trade…shhh), she’s boastful, loud and tacky. Candy thinks confidence and strength means you must be a complete bitch, she’s wrong.  Don’t be like Candy Gazelle.

Confidence is quiet assurance and a belief in yourself and your abilities.  It’s poise and certitude. It’s all about you and requires no negative thinking about anyone.

Candy Gazelle doesn’t understand that, so she feels the need to tear down others as a way of propping up her very fragile ego.  She’s had many adventures that sent her down the rabbit hole of self loathing and I’m not sure she will ever get herself out of it, especially since I have a very vivid imagination. 😉

I’m going to tell you many of her sad stories, hopefully we can learn and even laugh at her many, many misadventures.

When our journey is over, I want you to proudly stand up and say I will NEVER be Candy Gazelle.

The Clean Hands Doctrine of Relationships

hands3The law has a very well known doctrine that Judge’s use when determining whether or not a person is entitled to a claim, they call it the Clean Hands Doctrine. It states:

n. a rule of law that a person coming to court with a lawsuit or petition for a court order must be free from unfair conduct (have “clean hands” or not have done anything wrong) in regard to the subject matter of his/her claim. His/her activities not involved in the legal action can be abominable because they are considered irrelevant. As an affirmative defense (positive response) a defendant might claim the plaintiff (party suing him/her) has a “lack of clean hands” or “violates the clean hands doctrine” because the plaintiff has misled the defendant or has done something wrong regarding the matter under consideration. Example: A former partner sues on a claim that he was owed money on a consulting contract with the partnership when he left, but the defense states that the plaintiff (party suing) has tried to get customers from the partnership by spreading untrue stories about the remaining partner’s business practices.

This is something that I believe should apply in relationships as well. Don’t make demands on your partner with dirty hands. Don’t speak out of both sides of your mouth, this *demand* applies to you but I can do whatever I want.

Relationships are partnerships NOT dictatorships. I understand that some things require discussion as all situations are unique. My point is that if you have lines that you believe can’t be crossed then you’d better make sure you are living up to the same standards you expect from your partner…which means don’t cross THEIR LINES.

We all have what we call “Deal Breakers” in relationships. Having “clean hands” would mean that if your partner crossed your line, you’d better be damn sure YOU behaved perfectly and did not violate any of your partner’s lines before you give an ultimatum or you will lose your partner.

The law doesn’t reward dishonest people because dishonest people aren’t victims of the situation, they are equally to blame. When your hands get dirty in your relationship, you aren’t a victim either…you’re just dishonest.

Weight Obsessing and Why It Sucks

I, like most women, have been obsessing about my weight for the majority of my life. It started for me around the age of 10, yes 10. That was the age when I was made aware by others that I wasn’t skinny.  I was tall and played sports, so I was muscular. My weight was higher than the other girls who just played barbies but looking back – I was definitely not fat.  Naturally, I dieted like crazy and basically set into motion a lifelong struggle with my weight because of that constant yoyo dieting.

It is a miserable existence to be so obsessed with your weight. I look back and think of all the great things I said “no” to because of my weight, which wasn’t even bad. Weight became the only thing that mattered to the exclusion of all else. I wouldn’t go places because I worried that I looked too fat, I wouldn’t eat at parties, even if I was starving, because I was afraid people would judge me.  A big chunk of my life was unhappy because I was worried about my weight.  I’m certain that I am not alone in this. I’d wager that a large portion of the population, here in the U.S., has done the same thing to themselves. I see people still doing it.

I decided that enough was enough. I’ll never be skinny, trust me I’ve tried, it’s not my body type. I’m an hourglass and no matter how small I get my waistline, I’m destined to always have a big ass, thicker legs and a big rack on top. So, I chose to embrace it, rather than damn the fates and continuing to limit my existence to what will and won’t affect my weight. Wanna guess what happened?

I became happy in my skin. If I eat too much my pants get snug, when I don’t they get looser. I have no clue how much I weigh but when I look in the mirror, I like what I see and that is all that matters! I’m a sexy bitch and I’m really good with that. I get plenty of winks and approving glances from men (and some women as well). Not that I need those cat calls and smiles but it reaffirmed for me that I was right to stop obsessing so much.

We have only one life to live, do you really want to spend it denying yourself every single little pleasure that life has to offer?