Fake It Till You Make It

No, not orgasms!! Never fake those…that’s a bad fucking habit and yes, I mean that LITERALLY. You start faking orgasms then you will be forever faking them. Sex without orgasms is like pasta with sauce, it’ll do in a pinch but eh, I’d rather not bother. Never treat sex like that, it’s simply way too amazing to treat so blah.

I’m talking about self confidence.  When you are insecure, it shows in everything you do. You walk with your head kinda down, shoulders kinda slumped, and you dress kinda “meh”…  You present a “meh” image and you you get treated like the color beige, who the fuck gets excited by the color beige? Yeah, nobody!!!

What do you do? You hate your body, you hate your hair, you hate your face…you are positively beastly! When you think that way, you look that way and people see you that way. You want people to see you better? That starts with you. Treat yourself the way you’d treat a sweet child or a puppy for you I like puppies better than kid peeps. Smile, show yourself some kindness and if you must pretend then do so. Pretend you are the best looking thing on the planet.  Choose to change one single thing about yourself a week. Start with something easy, this week smile. Smile all day, when you’re alone, when you’re out and about, when you’re in the shower…smile, smile, smile! Watch how a simple smile changes how you start feeling and how people start responding. Next week smile and walk with your head held high.  The week after that smile, head held high and now shoulders back and walk straight. The week after that change your hair, keep smiling and keep walking with your head up and shoulders back. Next buy some sexy clothes and wear them with your sexy hair, continue smiling and keep walking with your head up and shoulders back. And so on…

See what I’m doing here? It’s like an exercise program that doesn’t make you sweaty. Self confidence is something that none of us is born with…it’s developed, like muscles (though we are born with those…don’t get distracted by semantics). 😉 Develop a strong sense of self and project it onto the world, it will make it much harder to be hurt by mean comments and looks if you know your own value.

Give it a try and fake it, until you make it!!!!

3 thoughts on “Fake It Till You Make It

  1. Great advice. My wife began faking orgasms to “please me” several years ago. Last year, while in counselling and she revealed her faking to me.

    So, Big Girl, if you’ll allow, I have two more pieces of advice.

    First, if you’re faking orgasms, there’s something wrong in your relationship. I would dare say that you, Big Girl, have nailed it. It’s most likely a lack of confidence and thinking that you’re not sexy. We should all take the advice given here and fix it, men and women.

    Here’s another drawback from Heather’s faking. She went numb. She literally stopped feeling any pleasure when we were making love, and/or fucking. (Yes, there is a difference.) It took her a few months after her admission to experience an orgasm.

    Second, if you’re faking orgasms, fix it on your own. Having been through the experience of being told, I can say more damage was done to our relationship than needed. Had Heather and I not had a great relationship to begin with, hearing that she was faking orgasms may have been the straw that broke the camel’s back.

    I CAN’T EMPHASIZE THIS ENOUGH! DO NOT TELL YOUR PARTNER THAT YOU HAVE BEEN FAKING! You have to answer this question with naked honesty: What will it serve to tell them?

    Heather’s reasons for telling me were valid … to her. She was tired of lying. She wanted to reveal all secrets so we could move forward. She didn’t want to continue to fake, and realized I would see a difference and wonder what had happened to my “multi-orgasmic” wife. (In my defense, Heather was multi-orgasmic early in our marriage. At some point, she decided that I wasn’t happy with her and stopped enjoying sex, thinking that she was just my unpaid whore. She was so far from the truth, I can’t even express it.)

    But did her admission serve ME? Or was it her conscience that needed soothing?

    At the point she wanted to stop faking, my advice to her would have been, “Keep faking but tone it down. Focus on your own pleasure so you can be more real in expressing what your body is experiencing”. In other words, fake less, enjoy more. Soon, her enjoyment would win over and the faking would end.

    HOW WAS I AFFECTED?
    Here’s what I went through when Heather told me she had been faking. First, she was afraid to tell me. So she started out with, “I have something I need to tell you.” I had much more serious things going through my head before she finally said it; an affair, divorce lawyer, etc. I was actually relieved. That lasted about 2 days.

    Then the pain and anger kicked in. I began to realize that my wife had been lying to me. I felt betrayed. I felt small. I felt undesirable. I felt unmanly. I felt cheap and dirty. I felt angry More important, I felt hurt. Our sex life had no meaning. After her big reveal, I stopped enjoying sex because she would just lay there. No moans. No “sex face”. No nothing. I started having erectile problems. Not because I’m getting old (which I am) but because I was getting very little feedback from my sweet wife.

    What women need to understand about men is that our goal is to pleasure you. Even in our most selfish times, we have a need to make sure you enjoy the experience as well. If I could go back in time, over 30 years of marriage, I can probably count on one hand the number of times I took my wife with little regard for her pleasure. It’s rare.

    It’s been almost a year since she revealed faking to me. It’s been a difficult year. I still have doubts about her pleasure, therefore, I still have erectile problems. Luckily, Heather and I have always been best friends. I believe that’s the only reason we were able to make it through her admission.

    Thank you for your honest blog. I’m sorry I wrote a novel but your topic is one that has had a serious impact on my life with my wife.

    • Thank you so much for telling your story. It’s so important for everyone to understand this.

      Never apologize for leaving a comment. I appreciate the time you took to do so. Sorry that both of you suffered through this…low self esteem can do so much damage. I’m glad you two are strong enough to work through, not all couples are. ❤

  2. I agree that you should never fake orgasm,I would be mortified if I thought my gf had ever faked because her satisfaction is very important to me,as for beige well I could get excited if that was the color of the panties she was wearing….but I agree that you always need to have plenty of self confidence,I firmly believe that if you have plenty of confidence in yourself then others will generally have confidence in you too,and that’s very important in many walks of life,things like job interviews etc really depend on showing that you believe in yourself and if you need to fake it a bit that is way better than not having self confidence at all. Great post Rosie.

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