Yesterday, while visiting my in-laws, I came face to face with my husband’s ex-fiancée to whom I was happily introduced by my MIL. The whole situation is a weird one. My MIL is buddies with this chick and despite the fact that my husband and I have been together for nearly 7 years (married 5 years this October), she’s still hoping for a reconciliation. This is the kinda shit that sitcoms are made of and as a fan of sitcoms, I play along whenever I can.
Here’s the thing, I am not the least bit intimidated meeting or confronting ANYONE. EVER. I’m even less intimidated meeting any the women from my husband’s past. Maybe not everyone feels this way, maybe some of you don’t feel as comfortable facing the past of the person you are with but you should. These bitches are in his past for a reason. I could give a million gooey, lovey reasons why you should not be intimidated. For example: you are the NOW, his one and only, the one he chose to be with, to marry, the love of his life and so on. Those are all good reasons to not feel intimidated but they won’t work if …you are the least bit insecure, right? Insecurity will make you draw comparisons and fuel the insecurity fire. You’ll look at the list of past hopefuls and immediately determine which ones you are prettier than, which ones you are thinner than, smarter than, better boobs than, better ass than, etc…ultimately you will stumble across one or two that you come up short on…and then what? FEAR!!!! OMG! She’s prettier, sexier or whatever….he’ll want her back if he sees her. He’ll see that you are not as awesome as her!!!
In the height of your insecurity breakdown, you forgot that he is with you. He chose you, not her. There’s always going to be someone who is younger, prettier, sexier, smarter….those are not the reasons you build a relationship on. Those are the appetizers, not the main course. The main course includes things like loyalty, ability to love, companionship, common interests, kindness, affection, and a host of other things to which those superficial things are added. That makes up the whole person and not every pretty package has the important staples. Without the staples, you might, if you’re lucky, have 6 months of good to great sex and a shitty everything else. Relationships built on outward appearance alone are WORTHLESS. If you believe you are in a relationship with someone so shallow that you could lose him to someone else based on a set of “tremendous boobs”, then get out of that. Seriously end it because you have nothing and if that’s the case…what exactly do you have to fear when facing the past of your man? Nothing! You can’t lose what you don’t have and if what you have is a great relationship – the past matters not.
This appears to be something my MIL doesn’t understand about my husband. He’s not with me for shallow reasons and he won’t dump me for them either. If we split it will be because something either went missing or was fundamentally broken between us. It will not be for an ex who treated him like he didn’t matter, like he was nothing more than an endless supply of funding. It doesn’t matter that she’s 9 years younger than me, more than a few pounds thinner or possibly has bigger tits (I’m a 38G, at some point, one more inch isn’t shit). She’s still a fucking cunt and that tends to overshadow the superficial shit.
Don’t be afraid of facing the past. If your present is on solid footing the past is not going to cause you any trouble and if your present is NOT on solid footing…better find out sooner rather than later when it will be much more painful. You may be wondering how that meeting went yesterday. It went fine, I said a boisterous hello and smiled like I just won the Miss Universe pageant and she was like a deer in headlights who scurried the fuck out as fast as her legs could carry her. 🙂
I say to all the women who came before me…