How Do You Deal With Broken Promises?

I got 5 emails asking me this question in a variety of different ways, different scenarios but ultimately it’s the same…what do you do when the person you love breaks their promises? One lady even went so far as to say constantly breaks promises. So, I’m going to discuss a broken promise and many broken promises because your actions will be and should be different.

Let’s start with a broken promise. Someone you love gave you their word that they would do something and they didn’t keep their word. This is not like a marital vow or anything, this is a promise to do something/change something/some kind of something. What do you do?

  • Don’t assume they deliberately broke their word
  • Ask them about it, in a non-confrontational way. No accusations.
  • If they say they forgot, believe them, especially if it’s the first time and they have a penis. (men forget shit)
  • Don’t make a mountain out of a molehill, if they forgot, show some grace and move on.

What if they didn’t forget? What if they just didn’t give a shit about the promise they made? Like seriously, fuck you! I don’t owe you anything. Who are you to make demands on me? Yada, yada, yada

  1. DUMP THAT MOTHERFUCKER NOW!

That selfish asshole won’t change and why are you staying with someone who would treat you with such disrespect? Seriously? Are you married to that ass? If someone you married treats promises to you like nothing…then you may want to have a look at your entire marriage? How is everything else? If he treats you with disrespect in the small things, the bigger things won’t suddenly be treated like fine china. This is the road to nowhere and if you are married to someone like this – get some counseling or get a good lawyer. No joke, he’ll be cheating on you eventually.

Multiple Broken Promises

Really? You’re asking me what you should do when someone you love breaks promise after promise like a serial promise maker and breaker?

First, don’t marry him. Second, don’t trust him – not even to feed your Goldfish. Fuck him till you’re bored, then end it. It won’t get better. If you put up with being disrespected, then you will continue to be disrespected. He has no incentive to change when you accept that kind of treatment.

For the record, he could be the greatest guy on the planet with a shit memory or a condition that causes him to have a shit memory. If that is the case, treat this like you would any other time he simply forgot. Forgetting, legitimately forgetting, is not the same thing as deliberately breaking a promise. Keep that in mind. Forgive and move on.

If you do marry a man that constantly breaks his promises, then don’t complain about it. You knew going in exactly who he was, you accepted it. Live with it. Marriage is not some magic fairy that suddenly transforms a person into someone else. If the person has qualities you didn’t like when you dated, he’ll have them as your husband and they’ll likely get a bit worse. Deal with it.

Does that sound a bit harsh? Sorry, really I am but I see women and not just BBWs but pretty much all women at some point in their lives believing this fairytale bullshit. I spend a lot of time talking about low self esteem but the over-esteemed should be addressed and will likely be another post. In a nut shell, we are all human and therefore NOT perfect. Prince Charming does not exist but then again neither does Cinderella. What you should be looking for is not someone who is perfect but someone who is perfect FOR YOU. Someone who loves you, respects you, accepts responsibility for mistakes and actively tries to do better. YOU NEED TO BE THAT PERSON TOO. It’s a two-way street. You both give and you both take. If only one of you is a giving and the other is taking…someone is being used. End it. [This advice is for men as well. Don’t allow yourself to be used. For Men – go back a re-read the piece and flip Men for Women and follow my advice.]

Tough love time is over. I’ll be back in a bit with more so …

Stay Tuned!

 

 

 

5 thoughts on “How Do You Deal With Broken Promises?

  1. If a person continually forgets things, then they need to WRITE THAT SHIT DOWN rather than blundering through life disappointing their spouse. Poor memory is a solved problem and has been for millennia; one merely needs to avail oneself of the solution! I don’t think it’s too much to expect a mate to be self-aware enough to recognize that s/he has a poor memory, understand that it’s a problem in the relationship, and to take steps to address it. (None of the “if s/he really loved me, s/he wouldn’t NEED to write it down” bullcrap, though. S/he loves you enough to change his/her habits to make sure s/he meets his/her promises to you, that should be plenty for anyone.)

    There are even smartphone apps for this these days and they are GREAT for couples and families. Even if you have a great memory there is little excuse not to use them. Check out Wunderlist, it’s awesome and free and you only really need one account (you can sign into it on multiple devices). If I’m grocery shopping, and my wife happens to remember something we need that she didn’t put on the list already, she adds it to Wunderlist and it shows up on my phone instantly. Trello is also good if you are working on a substantial project that has a number of tasks that various people need to complete (e.g. getting a house ready to sell).

    • I agree 100% and I’m glad you said it. 😉
      Also, great suggestions on the apps. I’ve 3 kids, 3 schedules to keep track of and it can get crazy. If I don’t write it down, it will be missed and I have a great memory…shit just piles on sometimes.

  2. Lol, good post. I once accidentally forgot someone’s birthday because I have real short-term memory loss issue. This guy broke promises to me all the time, and then he forgot my birthday to boot. I was so sad. The last time he broke a promise, it was just some small promises to call me back. But, it was the last straw for me. I never talked to him again. I accidentally forgot he existed.

    • LOL

      Eventually, it gets tiresome to have someone make promises that:
      a) they never intended to keep
      b) they forgot they made
      c)they didn’t care enough about your feelings to even try to keep

      Mistakes happen but eventually it’s a habit and habits that don’t change won’t be changed…need to be left behind.

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