One of the biggest problem we Big Girls have is low self esteem and it’s worse when you’ve been big your entire life. If you started life as a chubby girl, you’ve heard more times than you can count how pretty you could be…if ONLY you lost the weight. What a complete mind fuck that is and lots of well meaning people don’t realize how that message will be internalized.
This is what we hear: YOU ARE NOT PRETTY
Years and years of that gets reinforced and suddenly you are an adult BBW woman with zero self worth. That’s a set up to be fucked over and over and over again by any and all romantic partners. Why? Because your internal dialogue is that your weight makes you worthless, so you don’t think anything of it when your boyfriend or husband says it to you. It’s your truth, you accept it and subsequently you accept the shittiest treatment because you don’t know any better.
The things Big Girls with self esteem issues will put up with is staggering. I know that low self esteem is not limited to Big Girls but since I am one, I am speaking about it from my perspective. I am certain it applies to many body types and both sexes.
You meet someone amazing, they treat you like a princess and you are in love! This is the greatest thing that ever happened to you…for now. Then suddenly and out of the blue, they tell you about their ex who was the hottest thing ever, thin and beautiful and the most amazing sex. All you hear is THIN AND BEAUTIFUL. You’re not thin and you know that you’re not beautiful because EVERYONE you’ve ever know has told you that you could be pretty IF you lost weight. So this amazing guy that you’re sure you’re in love with just told the same thing you’ve always known…you are not worthy of him. He starts mentioning others and the conversation is always the same…you are not good enough. Then he’s back to puffing you up but in the back of your mind is the message…I’M NOT GOOD ENOUGH, I’M FAT, I’M NOT PRETTY, I’LL NEVER MEASURE UP.
Now he’s ignoring you, putting you and your needs at the bottom of his important list of what he needs. You are killing yourself to get his attention but to no avail….YOU’RE NOT GOOD ENOUGH. You let him demean you, degrade you, threaten you, use you like garbage. You’ll do things for him that you never thought you would for anyone…it’s not enough. Now he’s just being mean, you finally get angry and you are now the bad person who is driving him away. You’re punished for having normal human reactions to being treated so badly. You’re too needy, demanding and clingy. Now you are accused of being a bully or a cheater or a liar. He leaves you for someone else or he cheats on you. Either way, it’s your fault! You think so because you know you are worthless trash and he’ll tell you so. You deserved it! You are not good enough!
And the cycle of shit relationships continue…until you wake up and realize that you are worthy. You are beautiful. You deserve to be loved and respected. You deserve to be treated like a human being and until you start to believe this you will be someone’s target. Users are just bullies that hunt like sharks and people with low self esteem are the chum floating in the water…all bloody and tempting.
Fight the urge to believe that if only you lost some weight, you’d be worthy. YOU ALREADY ARE.
You are beautiful, sexy and amazing and once you believe it, you’ll project that image to the world. You’ll then attract people who see you as you are and not who you once thought you were.