When Your Heart Has Been Smashed…

How do you recover both your heart and your self esteem after a nasty break up? That is the question of the ages. We’ve all been there. Love is one of life’s greatest gifts but it comes with a dark side. The dark side is something we all face when the love leaves and even more tragic…the love doesn’t always leave. What can you do when the person you loved and thought you were going to spend your life with changes their mind and stops loving you?

The first thing you must realize is that it’s not a bad thing. We break up and then all we can focus on is how amazing the love was and how the person who left was the most amazing person ever. They were damn near a saint!!  We forget how shitty the relationship became, how that great person made us feel unworthy of them, ignored us, cheated on us, made us feel completely unloved and unwanted. We’re devastated, broken, unimaginably hurt. We start to think love isn’t in the cards for us, we amplify our every flaw into these gigantic billboards. We pound our firsts and think no one will ever love us!!! How could they when we are so worthless and unattractive?

Break ups, like infidelity,  can just wreck our self esteem and it seems damn near impossible to get it back. We have no choice though, we MUST get it back. In Can A Big Girl Be Sexy?  I had unanimous agreement that the outer package is not truly what makes a person attractive, it really boils down to self confidence.  Though I didn’t need people to agree with me, I’ve seen it in practice for most of my adult life. If you have self confidence, you project it, you treat yourself as you should and THAT is what makes a person sexy and appealing to others.  Now you can read that post and change “Big Girl” to pretty much anything (over40 girl, Cancer Survivor girl, short girl, super tall girl) and the post still applies, heck, it applies to men as well. Self confidence is the driving force of sex appeal and once you get yours back…you will realize that love is NEVER not in the cards for you. When there is life, there is hope and there is love. It’s really that simple.

So, what do you do when your heart has been smashed? How can you start to rebuild your self confidence? Getting laid helps and it helps a lot. Nothing boosts you up like having someone want to fuck you, especially if you don’t think you are remotely fuckable. So, you need to get back on the horse, as they say. If you don’t, you will have crippled yourself and created a permanent wound where one hadn’t existed until now. Don’t let self doubt take up a permanent residency inside your head. Fight it! Fake it if you must but push yourself into action. Stop crying and be a fighter.  Sign up for a dating sites and start going out on dates.

You must do something and I know it seems impossibly hard but once you do, you will be happy again…


7 thoughts on “When Your Heart Has Been Smashed…

  1. Well said, Queenie … though if I may add, people who’ve just been through a breakup should be careful NOT to fall head-over-heels in love with the first (or even second, third, fourth, etc.) person they sleep with after their split. All that does is set up for the next Mr. or Mrs. Wrong.

  2. Well, said. I only have one thing to add. While getting laid does raise the self-esteem a great deal, you also need to pay attention to who it is and why. I have a married guy who keeps after me, but my answer remains, “NO” and will continue to be so. I refuse to be someone’s “Other Woman”. Going through a situ like that would only increase the pain and the self degradation in the end.

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