How Do You Get Him to Pay Attention?

My Dearest Evil Majesty,

My boyfriend and I have been dating a bit over 6 months. In the beginning, he paid so much attention to me that I feel maybe spoiled me a bit. Now he spends all his time on Facebook chatting with friends or on the phone. I spend many nights feeling like I’m just an accessory in his apartment. Sometimes I wonder if he’d notice me if I caught fire. I don’t understand what went so wrong. He gets angry at me when I mention being lonely because we spend so much time together but breathing the same air is not spending time together, is it? If so, why do I feel so alone? I really think I love him and I thought he loved me but now I’m not sure about him. Our sex life is tanking too. All he seems to want me for is sex but I need more of a connection. I can’t just fuck someone because they have an erection, I need to feel loved and cared about. What should I do? How can I get him to make me a priority?


Argggh! Facebook is the bane of good relationships, I swear!!

You need to have a discussion about expectations and it needs to be calm and rational. You need to avoid sounding accusatory.  I’m a bit concerned because 6 months is the beginning and if he’s not interested in spending time with you now, engaged in a conversation, snuggling or anything else; where will he be in a year or two?

I’ll be honest, because you love him I’m going to suggest trying but my instinct says to be prepared to walk away. A relationship needs more than just sex and at 6 months that’s all you got and it sounds like you aren’t even enjoying it.

So, you need to get him to understand that you need more one on one time with him. Explain what that means to you. Find out what he needs and make him spell it out. If you find that it is something you can come to a happy middle ground, then give him a chance to show you that he loves you.  If after two or three months you find the situation has not changed, end it. It won’t get better and the last thing you want to do is saddle yourself with a marriage and children to a man that doesn’t really want you.

Never allow someone to treat you like you don’t matter, that is not what makes a happy and healthy relationship. It could simply be that he is not ready for something serious. That’s okay. It doesn’t make him a bad guy, it just makes him the wrong guy for you.

There are plenty of fish in the sea for both of you, it’s possible you hooked the wrong one. It’s okay, we’ve all done it.


Special note: This is not advice for married couples. This is for daters only. Marrieds need to work harder if this is your issue.

3 thoughts on “How Do You Get Him to Pay Attention?

  1. If I may be so bold as to opine when my POV was not solicited (although QoAE, you did post a link): What we have here is the classic illustration of the old-timey adage, “Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?” I’m sorry if that sounds flip but this tool already got from her what he wanted. If she stops delivering, he’ll find some other girl with low self-respect to abuse. I am the father of TWO daughters (that puts me ahead of Rosemary by TWO.) and their mother and I have taught them well. My 20-year old’s boyfriend made the mistake of saying to her, “The Catholic Church isn’t right about everything.” (Yes, the context was sex.) Proud of my girl for telling him he could hit the highway at anytime if he didn’t like it. And now he’s not only kissing HER ass (figuratively speaking) he’s also kissing mine.

  2. All comments and opinions are welcome. ;-)\

    The key phrase is a “girl with low self respect”. Honestly, anyone who puts up with being used solely for sex and not much else, is exactly that. Some would refer to said person as a doormat. It’s about what you are willing to allow another person to treat you like. If he treats you like furniture that he has sex with when he’s ready, then you will never be anything else.

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