Fat Shaming

Fat shaming is something ALL Big Girls experience, some men experience it but I think on a lesser level. Women are always judged on a superficial level, hence the higher incidence of shaming that comes our way. So, what exactly is fat shaming?

Weight stigma and bias can be:

  • practical (for instance, medical equipment or seats in most public places that are too small to accommodate obese persons);
  • verbal (such as insults, ridicule, teasing, stereotypes, derogatory names, or pejorative language); or
  • physical (such as bullying or other aggressive behaviors).

In some cases stigma results in discrimination, such as employment discrimination wherein an obese employee is denied a position or promotion solely or primarily due to aesthetic revulsion at his or her appearance, despite the individual being appropriately qualified.

Most of us hear the “helpful” derision from people who are supposedly only looking out for us, but they aren’t doing that. They are using that as an excuse to make themselves feel better, to make us feel like shit or simply because they are assholes.

I was recently accused of fat shaming someone because of something I wrote in my post on how to find a mate. What I said in the post was advice and not shaming someone because of their weight.  To recap:

My husband has a FB “friend” that does this and it’s pretty laughable. Her pictures all suggest that she should be a small girl but in person she’s probably pushing 300 lbs. There is NOTHING more dishonest than that. Use good angles but not to the point that you are actually dishonest about what you really look like.

That is about being HONEST about who you are and be accepting and proud of it. It had nothing to do with her weight and everything to do with being honest when using dating sites.  If you lie, you and whomever you meet will be very disappointed. That’s not fat shaming, that’s INTEGRITY.

The best part of the whole thing is that I WAS NOT even referring to the girl who got upset with me but that’s the problem with insecurities and low self-esteem…you always see an insult, even when there isn’t one and you always think it’s you being insulted. The girl is NOT friends with either my husband or me. Though I did at one time think I could be friends with her at some future point, she made it clear to me that we can’t with a very strange message full of crazy untrue accusations and lots of projection. I hope she reads my post on insecurity and checks that demon that is controlling her imagination and emotions.

Here’s the bottom line, I would NEVER shame another person because of their weight. I’ve had it done to me and it fucking hurts. I would not attack someone based on the package they come in, I look within the person and judge them by what they say and do. That tells me who they are…you can put a turd inside the most beautiful package and it’s still a piece of shit, right?

Look for the gems and don’t judge the area you mined to find them.



8 thoughts on “Fat Shaming

  1. Yaknow, I had a thought today… If people constantly tell fat people that they’re worthless because they’re fat, then fat people will internalize that message and start believing they’re worthless. Messages like “You’re so fat, you must be so lazy, why don’t you put down the bon-bons and exercise…” are completely negative. If we’re constantly believing these negative messages, then it makes it harder and harder for us to believe we should be healthier simply because we’ve been TAUGHT by our peers that we’re worthless.

    On the flipside, if you approach people with love and acceptance, they will internalize a positive message, and they will feel that becoming healthy is something they should do because they’re WORTH it.

    But people are happy being ass holes I guess.

  2. Not only are people happy being assholes but they are completely unaware that it is possible to be both fat and healthy. Many also believe that you can’t even happy if you’re fat.

    The thing is that most people aren’t happy and the only way some people can feel a little better about themselves is to shit on someone else. I was told just yesterday that I am so old, pathetic and ugly like Tammy Faye Baker. Now, even, if that were true … what exactly was the point of that? The point is that they are miserable and obviously feel unattractive and likely threatened by me, so they needed to project that on me to feel better about themselves. I am happy to oblige her. I don’t need the approval of others to feel good about myself, I am happy with who I am and what I look like and if I change anything about myself, it will be because my health is impacted and no other reason.

    Fat shaming is like any other shaming, it is done to hurt. We must resist the urge to pay attention to any of that and do what we feel is best for us.

  3. I agree with everything you say here, Queen. If I may add, as a proud husband of a big girl, I’ve heard my fair share of fat shaming, either directly from the source or secondhand. I remember a time when my lady and I were at a social function and someone said something to the effect of, “How can John be with her? She’s sooooo fat! I feel sorry for him!” I think this idiotic bitch was trying to shame both me AND my wife because of her weight. Some people, eh?

    • Idiotic and clearly some personal issues. People that need to shame others are just trying to shift eyes away from themselves and whatever they feel is wrong with them. Like the girl who projected her crap on me, she is probably very sad and lonely. People who do this kind of thing tend to push everyone out of their life and then declare themselves to be “strong” and “independent”, when what they really are is weak, alone and miserable. I feel bad for people like that, they tend to allow others to use them and then cast them aside like trash…it makes them bitter. And the cycle continues…

  4. In all honesty, as another “big” girl, I DID find your comments regarding the unnamed-sky-selfie person somewhat antagonistic. If you don’t care, don’t mention it — if it doesn’t affect you, it’s not your business, ya know? None of us are here to police anyone else, or judge their actions, so just do you and figure that anyone else’s “strategy” is his/her own. I get the “integrity” bend, but some aren’t willing to do full disclosure until they ARE fully disclothed. Is that so bad? Is that anyone’s business but their own? How hard must it be for them to meet people in person and have their misrepresentation called out, without anyone else judging them for their strategy?

    Maybe I’m having a “one love” night, but I tend to believe, if something someone else does upsets me, I have to ask myself if it’s because they’re coming at me, or that they have their own issues (as I do, as we all do) that they’re dealing with.

    Don’t get me wrong, I hate the profile pic fakers too, but I’m not trying to date them, so it’s a non-issue in my world other than the passing thought that they perhaps went too far in taking a flattering selfie. Haven’t you ever? But is it up to anyone but you to feel good about doing so?

  5. I appreciate what you’re saying and to be honest the only reason I mentioned it was because I was asked for advice on how to find a man. I try not to pull any punches when giving advice but perhaps I could have worded that better. In my opinion, one of the reasons many people fail at the dating site game is because they go into it dishonestly. Other than that, I care not at all if people want to use old pics, Photoshopped pics or whatever as their profile on social media.

    Oh yes, I have some shitty selfies and I would not use them for any reason. I’m not saying don’t use good pics, absolutely use good angles and put your best self out there. My advice was strictly limited to what not to do on a dating profile because when we set ourselves up to be what we are not, we end up disappointed, we take yet another hit to our fragile ego and sometimes we give up altogether.

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