We all have insecurities no matter how amazing we think we are. The key to overcoming them is to face them head on, confront them outright and make friends with them and then move on.
Why should make friends with your insecurities? Because it takes away the power they have over you. Insecurities are so powerful that they can cause you to do things that sabotage yourself in relationships – all relationships romantic and platonic. They are like a dark force and the more you believe the negative the stronger they get. You must learn to smile at your fears, smile at your pain and tell yourself over and over that you are amazing. Don’t let that dark shadow demon win the battle in your head.
When you are losing the battle, you see everything negatively. You believe people are seeing you the way your insecurities are framing things in your head. Then you lash out, get angry and try hard to hurt the people that your demon shadow has convinced you are hurting you. The irony, of course, is that the people you try to hurt have not been demonizing you at all. That’s all in your own head space but now you’ve pushed them away. How many friends or potential lovers have you lost because you read the situation wrong? Because your own demons took over and made you lash out, you now stand alone in your pain. The only winner in this is your demon.
I did this over and over because I believed that I was unworthy of love. I projected this belief on others without any real evidence. I mean I thought there was evidence but that’s only because my demons had such control over me that I was weakened and unable to see things rationally. I drove people out of my life faster than I let them in. I had very shallow relationships with people because it made it easy to toss them out when my demons took control.
Insecurities are something we all have and something that will never go fully away. The key is to face them, acknowledge they exist and take away their power. Insecurities have a lot in common with vanity to the point that some can’t tell them apart. They both make you look very self absorbed. Insecure people, like vain people, see everything said, done or written to be about them, when they are not. Vain people think all good is them, insecure think all the bad is about them. The truth is that most people think more about themselves than they ever will about you – good or bad. So, fight the demon.
How do you do that, you may be asking? Practice.
First, always tell yourself that you are worthy of love and happiness. Stop obsessing about your flaws. Stop assuming others are only seeing your flaws because they aren’t. Being chubby is less of a flaw than being an asshole and our insecurities make us really big assholes.
Second, forgive yourself and be especially forgiving of others. True forgiveness means “give” as you did beFORE you were hurt. That’s true forgiveness. When you GIVE of yourself like you did before you were hurt, then you know you’ve truly forgiven. Sometimes those who hurt you don’t want the forgiveness, in those cases…just walk away. Sadly, not everyone wants to be friends but as long as you try, you will succeed.
Last, stop with all the projection. This is a big one. Insecurities make us project shit onto other people and that is seriously fucked up. We do this thinking it shows how secure we are but really all we are doing is telling the world EXACTLY what we are insecure about. Click that link and read about it. A truly secure person does not have to cut down another, a truly secure person builds up not only themselves but others as well.
Hopefully, we can all beat down this dark shadow in our minds and walk away friends. Smile at your demon and take away his/her power.